movingforwardwithyinka

‘Count-Down to Leisure Time: Our Ease or Misery? – by Kehinde Oguntunde.

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 8 Comments

houseDo you ever wonder that someday, your kids will be grown? And when that time comes, things are going to be a lot different. The garage won’t be full of bikes, electric train tracks on plywood, doll houses, or unfinished “experimental projects”. You’ll be able to park your car neatly in just the right place and never worry about stumbling over skateboards or scooters. When that day comes, the kitchen will be incredibly neat. The sink will be free of sticky dishes, the garbage disposal won’t get choked on wraps of new toys, or paper cups, the refrigerator won’t be clogged with different kinds of kid’s meal, and we won’t lose the tops of bottle milk, butter, juice drinks, or the mustard.

The water jar won’t be put back empty, (that’s if Daddy refills the jar), the ice trays won’t be left out overnight, the leftover of any pretend tea party will be tidied up and the chocolate drink will stay in the cups and not on the floor. When that day comes, as a mother, you will actually have time to get dressed leisurely. A long, hot bath (without any panic interruptions), time to do your nails (even toenails if you please!) without answering a dozen questions and reviewing spelling words, having had your hair done that afternoon without trying to squeeze it in between racing a sick child to the doc and a trip to the orthodontist with a kid in a bad mood because she lost her favorite sneakers.

When that day comes, the back seat won’t be a disaster area; we won’t sit on pencils or crayons anymore and there won’t be candy and chocolate wraps everywhere. We’ll be able to ride the car in peace and quiet and be able to listen to your favorite radio station. When that time comes, you will return to normal conversations with your spouse. You know just plain kid’s talk. “Gross” won’t punctuate every sentence seven times. “Yuk!” will not be heard. “Hurry up, I gotta go!” will not accompany the banging of fists on the bathroom door. “It’s my turn” won’t call for a referee. And a magazine article will be read in full without interruption, and then discussed at length without mom and dad having to hide in the bedroom to finish the conversation.

When that day comes, we won’t run out of hand soap (due to constant washing of hands), or pringles and juice. My spouse won’t lose his keys. We won’t forget to shut the refrigerator door. I won’t have to dream up new ways of diverting attention from the gumball machine whenever we go to the store . . . or have to answer “Mummy, is it a sin that you just ran the red light?” . . . or promise to kiss their baby dolls goodnight . . . or in future, wait up forever until they get home from dates . . . or be ready for a debate during homework . . . or endure the pious pounding of kids jumping on the bed especially when you have a serious headache. Yes, someday when the kids are grown, things are going to be a lot different. One by one they’ll leave our nest, and the place will begin to resemble order and maybe even a touch of elegance. The clink of china and silver will be heard on occasion. The crackling of the fireplace will echo through the hallway. The house will be quiet . . . and calm . . . and always clean . . . and empty . . . and filled with memories . . . and lonely . . . and we won’t like that at all.

And we’ll spend our time not looking forward to that day but looking back to yesterday. And thinking, “Maybe we can babysit the grandkids and get some life back in this place for a change!” Now I understand why my mum asked us to let our baby stay home for one more month before he starts daycare.

Written by:

Kehinde Oguntunde

Edited by #Moving Forward With Yinka

 

He LOVES me! He loves me NOT! He LOVES me! He loves me NOT! ‘come on Ladies…’about time to attack this mask called “Domestic Abuse”

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 24 Comments

abuseThe sound of the siren outside my bathroom window, the pounding beat of my chest frustrating the little confidence and I hope I have left, the pain and fear of letting out my sobs, the rush of the cold water from the shower now falling hard against my bare back, sharp pains shooting through my battered skin, that same tender olive skin he’d vowed was all he needed to see on a cloudy day! Am confused! Should I cry out for help?

Or should I continue under the pangs of desperate falling cold water? I am drenched in my own blood! Probably woke up again after passing out from his habitual aggressive beating. But my feelings always fail me. I let my emotions get the best of me. “Oh. He loves me, I know he does! “Honey, I need help to manage my anger issues, ‘Baby, please don’t leave me! I will never be the same without you! “Sweetheart, it’s the devil… and with that, I am a lover’s-fool again, for the 100th time of my life.

But right now I think He’s gone too far, the knife, the hot water, the hot iron, the baby’s bassinet! Oh no! The baby! W-h-e-r-e I-s m-y b-a-b-y? And my neighbor’s questioning looks, always nosy anyway, out of fear they had called 911 this time…everything is happening so fast! I think am loosing it? No, I have actually lost my mind! Is this love? What to do…

So, all in the name of love, we accept the unacceptable, we explain away the pain, we justify and rationalize every blow- physical and otherwise, at times we blame the victim.

All in the name of keeping up appearances, we remain silent to the glaring indications, we remain blind to the blatant battle signs, we remain recklessly optimistic that somewhere, somehow, the abuse will stop all in the name of love. Maybe one day, the abuser will stop and return to the doting loving person you once knew…

But enough is enough! Let us break the cycle of silence! Let us shed light to this dark aspect of so called love! One time is too many for a loved one to raise a hand, or even worse a weapon to the one whom they profess to love. One time is enough for you to know that you are worth more than that; you are a gem and a treasure to those who genuinely care for you.

You are created as a peculiar being, made to fulfill a given purpose. Do not let your light be snuffed out early all in the name of love.  Speak up against love that leaves you black and blue; speak up against love that leaves you feeling worthless.

Let’s break the cycle of ABUSE- ‘Bad Unnecessary Senseless Experience. Reach out and Get help today!

Written by Toyin Erinle for #Moving Forward With Yinka

Introduction by Yinka.

                   Violence help hotlines

Call the hotlines below for help if you have been hurt by someone you know or have been attacked by a stranger. You will not have to pay for the call, and you can ask to have your information kept confidential. Even though these calls are free, they may appear on your phone bill. If you think an abuser may check your phone bill, try to call from a friend’s phone or a public phone.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

  • Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TDD).
  • Staff are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
  • More than 170 languages are available.
  • You will hear a recording and may have to wait for a short time.
  • Hotline staff offer safety planning and crisis help. They can connect you to shelters and services in your area.
  • Staff can send out written information on topics such as domestic violence, sexual assault, and the legal system.

http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/how-to-help-a-friend-who-is-being-abused.html

9/11/2001 (13 years ago) … ‘What Were You Doing?

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 2 Comments

911September 11, 2001 was one of those days I’d reluctantly dragged myself out of bed, grudgingly and trembled at the thought of another long accounting meeting with Yonkers partners from Healthcare Business Resources. Not so fun! especially when auditing aged A/R and reviewing cash balancing report was the goal of the day! My mind was focused on two things: ‘Lunch with my team members at Chillis down the road and the baby-bump I was still trying to hide!

But, 300 miles away, tragedy and despair was lurking at the corners of the earth. A group of terrorists had hijacked four planes, crashed 2 planes on purpose into the World Trade Center towers in NY, soon after they ‘d smashed a third plane into Pentagon in Arlington Virginia. And close to home, only about 80 miles away – a fourth plane was stopped, but crashed into a field in Pennsylvania.

The tragic events of that day left many people dead and injured. The twin towers were completely destroyed, and their collapse caused damages many blocks away. An entire section of the Pentagon was destroyed as well. In Pennsylvania, the National Park created a memoriam; a garden of wildflower in the spot where the plane crashed and the victims were buried.

There was a media blitz, an arena of confusion, turbulence and commotion everywhere you turn to! My supposed-accounting meeting was immediately cancelled amidst confusion and anxiety of what next to do? How to help? Where to go? Who to call? When to go?

Tonight, as New York turns on the many bright lights that shine into the night sky where the world center towers once stood. Today, at the Pentagon as military officials hold a wreath-laying ceremony. This moment in Pennsylvania – close to home; as people ring two bells called “The Bells of Remembrance” at the exact time the plane crashed, I pray that, we the observers alive today, reading and giving the stories will appreciate life, no matter what challenges we are facing right now, it is very important that we never forget what happened, the people who died, the people who became heroes, and those that are still mourning loved ones lost.

Always Remember…

Yinka

 

‘A moment in the mind of a Child!

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 12 Comments

mind child 1The mind of a child is unparalleled. Their consciousness is animated yet exceptional, pure and unique. It consistently bursts and bubbles with imagination and fearlessness. They do not see boundaries, only possibilities. Have you ever tried to tickle, excite, amuse or enchant a child’s creativity? Aha! What you get in return is a whiz kid!

  • Sometime ago while visiting an aquatic fun center in Maryland with close friends and family, I couldn’t help but join in a serious conversation the children were having. Their ages ranging from ‘awesome 3 to intellectual 13. Whatever that topic was, it was definitely an eye opener. It changed my viewpoint about their mindset…
  • Far away in Disney Hollywood Studio, about 600+ children and parents waited patiently on a long line outside the FROZEN summer fun show theatre, intense heat on our backs, sweat pouring profusely, but who cares! The children’s enthusiasm on seeing the cast of Frozen melted the grinding heat and turned our expectancy into an excitement camping…
  • During a dance recital for the children, I couldn’t but help notice the uproar of excitement when the theme song was changed to Arianna Grande’s “One less problem”. Hmmm, my curiosity wasn’t let loose until I got the full story behind the young artist, from the mouth of the children…

Their aquatic conversation was, “What Would You Do, If Jesus walks into this room? It was an objective question, because they also offered 2 options (1) PRAY or (2) CELEBRATE. With affirmation and confidence the eldest uttered “Aunty, I will celebrate, and I have my reasons. He cleared his throat and started in a melodramatic gesture, “If Jesus walks into this room right now, I will jubilate, celebrate and will rejoice in His second coming! ‘Because, I have been praying all my life for his coming, and He’s here, not next door, not back door, not a street away – but here, He picked me! So, it’s party time to celebrate him” the younger ones around him all got excited too, agreed to his selection, decided on a large pizza and started jubilating in unison.

Oh Boy! Astonishment was an easy term to define my feelings. I was totally blown away (like you see in animated comedy where a certain bird sings so off-tune it pops or bursts), am smiling and grinning with such awe and a new level of respect for these young minds. Nice!

So, the group of devoted parents on that long Frozen line in Disney waiting for their turn to sing LET IT GO with their children, the new pop artist that’s finally ‘Gotten one less problem hit song booming away in their little minds and the “Celebrate-when-Jesus come kids’ idea is just a few of the soothing reassurance of devotion and sincerity in a child’s mindfulness that declares a state of active-open attentiveness. We tend to forget that a child will observe our thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. We as adults need to be mindful of how we appreciate or express life’s value in front of them – in everything we do and what we feed their minds with. So how do you go about instilling a growth mindset in a child? Unlike some adults, children are able to retain and analyze information and, more importantly, imagine concepts. Understanding their minds requires attention and interaction, but trust me, it’s worth it!

Every child wants to know about the simple things in life as well as the complex. Their ability to learn, think, meditate and ponder truly is a gift that God has given them; they have to be nurtured properly every time, not just when an occasion demands it. But E-V-E-R-Y-T-I-M-E!

Today, I am hopeful that someone will connect with a child one-on-one in terms of building a progressive mindset. To retrace steps back to when they were that age and compare the built-up of their own mindset over the years. ‘Ask a child: “I will like to know what you are thinking about” What you hear is the opposite of your own unsung melodies, of what should have been but never did. Tap into the mindset of a child. Stimulate it, bolster it with positive influence, between their aloofness, there’s a message for us. After all, I have learnt from them to (1) celebrate more (2) commit/dedicate more (3) discharge/let it go when necessary. And am still submerging in their young wealth of knowledge. Be a part of an active mindset of tomorrow’s eminence.

May God help us all.

Yinka.

 

 

I am a C-A-N-C-E-R-V-I-V-O-R …‘what kind of survivor are you?

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 38 Comments

scar 2

The last time I checked for the definition of survivor in the dictionary, I was really amazed to know that it signifies left-over, remainder or residue. Did you just raise your eye brows in surprise like I did? That is rather crude, right? How can? After that rough journey, that’s it? ‘Someone is labeled a residue? Hmmm.

According to www.thesaurus.com the term survivor means “one who outlives another,” from survive. Meaning “one who has a knack for pulling through adversity” Okay, now I like this better!

I remember the year after my cancer surgery, I was not very comfortable when Susan G Komen sent me the 3 day walk participation paperwork and addressed me as Survivor Yinka! I had to go back memory lane to reconnect the link to the date of the diagnosis and then, oooh! That’s true – I did survive the 12-hour-marathon-cancer surgery. Oh, yes, I am actually a survivor, and then a certain kind of boldness, calmness and grace empowered me to be an advocate for the cause! – I then eased into the program and was ready to carry on proudly with my survival-ship story. Yes! I did survive Medullary Thyroid Cancer!

So, for every one of us that knows someone who’s overcome or still battling one kind of challenge in life (not necessarily cancer) either a fatal accident, relationship breakdown, a certain illness, the loss of a loved one, an addiction, a broken heart, job loss, divorce, rejection or depression. The moment we are able to acknowledge that there is a problem, face the solution boldly, we are able to move on into another sphere of productive lifestyle – we have automatically also become Survivors! Even embracing someone close to you and helping them deal with the situation qualifies you as a survivor. Why? Because you connected one-on-one to help ease the much needed transition. Yes, you did!

As we approach National Cancer Awareness month,’hoping someone will look at the term “survivor” in a more approachable way as opposed to seeing it as “residue or remnants’. To embrace the term like a soldier at the war front with one thing in mind: Victory by all means! To connect with a cause that celebrates survivorship and be a blessing unto others. Only those deeply and personally touched can understand the impact of a tragedy, which I think can classify anyone with a close encounter to be nominated as a survivor. I see survivorship as a legacy to behold, a surplus in life, beauty for ashes and finally – a proof that there’s really a God that works miracles in us and changes our tests into testimonies! I am a living example!

 May God help us all.

Yinka.

Coming soon:

American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk event on OCT 17th.

 

Remembering the endless humor of the amazing Robin Williams

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 7 Comments

hook 1
One of my all-time treasured movies is Hook. Featuring my favorite priced actor late Robin Williams as Peter. To think that I must have seen this movie so many times, and yet still every time it comes up, I am still so delighted and thrilled, ‘trailing alongside word for word with excitement and bewilderment, dreamily imagining my part as Tinker-bell, played by talented Julia Roberts. Awe-inspiring! Hook is the1991 family fantasy film directed by Steven Spielberg, acts as a sequel to Peter Pan”s original adventures, focusing on a grown-up Peter who has forgotten his childhood. Captain Hook kidnaps his two children, and he must return to Never land and reclaim his youthful spirit as Peter Pan in order to challenge his old enemy and get his kids back.

So, considering the event surrounding his death and the beautiful tribute given to him during The Emmy Awards by co-comedian Billy Crystal, I couldn’t but help tuck away my own emotional strain by laughing at some of the displayed comical roles he’s played over the years.

But deep down inside me – it was more about the weight of agony, the hidden despair and the emotional torment he must have been going through during the last period of his life, was it all covered up with goofiness through bravery? A part the world never saw or the part the world never bothered to see. How much do we know about the inner mind-set of people around us? Could there have been a signal ignored? A cry for help neglected, ignored or overlooked?

This is an emotional wake up call for all of us in any helpless situation. We all might not necessarily be entangled with someone in that state of mind, but who can tell? Who knows? A bad comment, a broken heart or rejection are all common triggers. A lot of us cover up our distress with pretty things of life, and give an appearance that’s breath taking. Hmmm, ‘talk about the brewing kettle always dried up!

Today, I am hoping someone in their period of hopelessness will turn over to God. That someone will be vigilant and reach out to one who’s hurting and not communicating, to create within us an opportunity to help encourage emotional outlets. And like in the movie Hook, when Peter returned home, realizes the love he has for his family and the importance of having a youthful heart, I pray that someone will oppose self-slaughter, be of a cheerful mind-set and return to God too. After all, Life is still beautiful!

May God Help Us All.

Yinka.

RIP Robin Williams.

Ref: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hook

The bargaining power of Control & Command! ‘At What Cost?

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 25 Comments

enduranceThere’s a task at hand. Your inner mind is the workshop. The tools needed for the job is priceless and never for sale at the local store, You have the map and detour rules stamped in your heart, because your talent is raw and in-built, accomplishing it is simply a piece of cake, why? Because it is your gifting, it is that wow factor that defines you! Not your juicy past or what people say or think about you, but God’s mark of un-common favor, uniqueness and exceptional beauty bestowed upon you. It is a glaring revelation! You have what it takes!

If you are thinking like me, I love good bargains. I love the feel and command of bargaining power either at the fabric aisle or beads aisle in NY. It’s an open market where everyone is allowed to boast and brag about their bargaining power. The best part of this bargain is that, you are allowed to walk away either way. With or without a smile, all depending on your bargaining power to control and command the cost of an item! Period!

So, for us folks in the pews “the reverse” is the case. What does it cost us to outdo each other? Have we ever taken a leap of faith to display our inner beauty? ‘Having the mindset of fulfilling God’s mission to empower and inspire those around us with our talent? ‘thinking like a servant rather than a leader? ‘Transparency in our “good deeds” without hidden agenda? Not looking at purchasing titles and cheap recognition because we crave it? ‘Diligently and humbly carrying those with burdensome insecurity through? Have you ever been in a situation where your God-given talent is considered a threat? Intimidation and competition setting in! ‘Do we bargain for competition instead of cooperation?

Competition is a way of life all over the world. It is has no place in the house of God. It is the fuel that keeps jealousy and hatred burning. It associates rivalry, contest and opposition. It connects striving for the same object against another person. Like-mindedness is union-based! —it is the attitude of cooperation we all need. Is that not the way a Christian should follow? ‘Not only is the act of competing wrong, but the actual attitude of competition and flexing of power is baffling. The attitude of competition is totally condemned by God.

‘Hoping someone will cultivate the attitude of humility and cooperation, to stop trying to win people over by putting others down with their sweet coated holier-than-thou attitude speech, thus proving superiority over them. Will it produce mediocrity? I doubt it! In actual fact, it leads to achieving excellence, and helping others to do so as well. But what do I know about attitude bargaining? I am just an ordinary expressionist moving forward in life!

May God Help Us All!

Yinka

http://www.yinkalawrence.com

 

‘Things That Make You Go Hmmm!

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 22 Comments

african child 1Earlier this morning, I’d given her a call to inquire about setting up an appointment. I’d been away on vacation and needed to meet up with her either at CHOP (Children’s Hospital) or at her hair braiding store located somewhere downtown. Usually, I don’t return from vacation with my mind still fixed on a particular case. But, this child was different. He was a fighter. All through his 4 months, He’d undergone 4 surgeries and 2 heart transplants. Always swaddled in the NICU robes, transparent medication tubes and wires spirally turned into a make shift web always entangled his fragile body. I became his interventionist and connected with his mother right away. Even my lazy old fashioned French phonemes became another fondling element between us.

So, this morning, she didn’t pick up her phone. In a way I missed that. I missed her signature tone, her deep francophone reassuring voice. “ Oh, He’ll be back home next week. “ Oh, you know he’s going into surgery tomorrow? But he will be back home next week, and then you can come over and see him! – That was our last conversation. My last conversation with her, about him!

Today, I lost a client. A – 4-months- old baby. One I had connected with and had high hopes of seeing him develop age appropriately well into life. The news came in at the end of work day. And to think that I had casually called in to check on him through the mother this morning has left me speechless.

So, what makes you go hmmm? Is it only when you are wondering about something or perplexed about everything? Is it when you suddenly find love and afraid of getting hurt? Is it out of amazement or annoyance about something you cannot control? Is it when you lose someone you love dearly to death and you just cannot fathom it? Or is it when life itself puts you on an edge, turns your confirmation into confusion?

All I could say was hmmm with goose-bumps! ‘clogs of swelled-up tears now pouring freely and carrying along the once suited Revlon mascara I had on. It’s like I have never known or witnessed any infant death this way, but my heart bleeds for that tiny child I’d held once and had hopes of recovery for. My heart beats more for his grieving mother. But what do I know about things of life that’s baffling or inexplicable…

I only turn it over to the creator. Because He knows best.

RIP Jerome!

Yinka

#movingforwardwithyinka

 

 

 

 

 

Collection of short stories – Chapter One

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 20 Comments

all of me

LOVE FOR SALE

Collection of short stories by #moving forward with Yinka

I quickened my pace as the clouds began to gather in the sky. Up to now, the sky had been postcard-perfect, but it was changing. The beautiful cocktail-blue shade was beginning to darken into gravel-grey. Large pillows of cloud were forming, blotting out the old-gold color of the sun. I got the first splatter of rain when I was halfway across the meadow. I took shelter under an old oak, hoping that I could see out the shower.

Droplets of moisture began to drip from the leaves. They were sprinkling onto the grass like a gardener’s hose. Then the rainfall became more intense. A wall of rain moved over the oak and the drops were drumming against the canopy.

So much rain was falling that the sound blurred into one long, whirring noise. It reminded me of the rotor blades on a helicopter. Eventually, the noise lessened and the drops faded into a musical chime. The sun came out again, casting slanted beams of light across the meadow. Steam rose slowly from the grass. It rose up eerily and drifted mist-like towards the molten-gold sun. The image was so vivid that it stayed with me all the way home.

I just can’t stop thinking about her! The lingering scent of stale orange peel on her silk scarf, the powerful commanding way the breeze sends it flying across the field as free as life could offer. This fragile yet alluring body running around happily under the …

To be continued!

Written by: ‘Yinka for Women Weave The World.

www.yinkalawrence.com