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Monthly Archives: October 2015

Turning the waiting Game into a favored Date!

(Open letter of encouragement to my single and searching friends)

Erika absent-mindedly toyed and twirled with the tip of her champagne glass. Loosing count already of the numbers of weddings she’s had to dance in as the maid of honor! Or wake the bride up at 7am for facial or call up the video crew to come up for recording as the lucky bride, her childhood friend excitedly slip on her silver Manolo Blahnik pumps. Oh no! I can’t be jealous! She muttered under her breath as beads of perspiration and anxiety begins to swell up on her foreheadMAID OF HONOR.

Uncountable evil thoughts and imaginary demons of her past began to creep up the back of her neck, “Why not me? She’s quickly taken back by the deep Barry White-like voice of the bride’s younger brother; as he bumps into her, asking her for a dance.

‘Good-gracious-Lawd! ‘Why is he so cute but painfully too young for me? He’s 6 years younger! Maybe I shouldn’t care about the age thing? Or is that not robbing the cradle! What will people say? Geez! Do I sound desperate! Yeah, maybe I should, am in my late 30s and un-married! And drooling over a kindergartener! On and on, these thoughts kept strolling in and out of her head, until it was her turn to give the toast, she walked up to the center of the room, clutching her champagne glass like her life depended on it, tears falling freely drenching her perfectly made-up face, she opened her mouth, stammered and then it all happened…

Today…‘Can-we-talk-about-men? Maybe not about how adorable Spain’s Rafael Nadal looked at the last US Open, or about the outrageously offensive comment from Donald Trump’s anti-immigrant, anti-Latino, anti-woman lead. Or even that personal crush “yours truly” has on Bruno Mars! (Smiles).single 1

Let’s ignore the tabloids today and do real talk! and really If we are all being honest with ourselves, and I assure you, today I’m all about straight talk – which means that I have to confess that our mindset is one of the biggest obstacles to living as an uncluttered woman when it comes to dealing with the issues of men.

Even as I am still married 18 years and counting to the same guy I found with two left feet on the dance floor at Club Towers about 22 years ago! I must admit that every aspect of our relationship only gets better with age, tolerance and understanding (even sex). I know that I should depend solely on God for direction and strength, and I am thriving! Most of us would admit that this is the case. Whether we are married or single! We are all in the same boat, only difference is our sense of resistance.

Is it not hard enough that we have to sift through all that is thrown at us each day? We begin a flourishing relationship, we nurture it with all we have and pray it flourishes well enough for a blossoming ever after effect, but then disarray happens and it challenges all of us. I’m in the foxhole with you and readily admit that navigating this crazy world of handling loverelationship is complicated.

There are so many things that compete for our attention and clutter our decision-making: our faith, emotions, materialism, negative thinking, busy schedules, doubts, laziness, self-reliance, self-esteem, family baggage, our past pains and failures, expectations, technology, work, our need to control things, our need to be accepted, finances, debt, stress, addictions, discontentment and then… relationships. Argh! And I’m just getting started! This list could go on forever. Anyone feeling me?

Does fear of the unknown keep us from taking a big leap of fate in choosing a partner? ‘are you still single and confused about your choice based on what the world projects HIM to be? Torn between giving a chance to someone you ‘kind of’ like but doesn’t have that ‘it’ factor you have always dreamt of!- If only! The lips were fuller! The skin was darker! The height was intact! If only he has 6 packs like Nadal! If only he could sing and be so romantic like Adam Levine! And the “if only” list goes on and on because we have so programmed our brain to only embrace that which is only portrayed in our fairy tale-mindset. Not until our biological clock begins to tick faster, attracts family concerns and un-solicited friendly advice. When will it be? With who? Phew!cook 1

Here’s the deal. We all have an idea of what we want in someone, especially when dating that we imagine will become a life time commitment, we still need to be careful what we wish for!  A lot of courtship now are more interested in acquiring the “Trophy image”. Isn’t that an exposure of the self-esteem issue? Picking and dictating and getting fanned in our ego? Maybe it’s a blessing you are taking your time rather than rushing into marriage because of desperate measures? To please who? Friends? The society? Family? Or break an ancestral curse of bondage? Shouldn’t the decision of a life time commitment between a couple be consecrated unto God only? And no other external factors?

Is there really a manual or instruction kept somewhere for finding the perfect guy? Is Mr. Right sold on store shelves on demand at a high cost, with no bargaining options? What’s going on ladies? What’s with the fuss? You abandoned the one that shows affection all because he doesn’t really fit into your to-get manual? You chase after the one that thinks about you only in mode-nudity? Would you rather rush in and marry the one you first fall in love with? Whose heart probably is still hooked onto a bunch of broken-hearted ladies, who’d probably cursed out his destiny for abandoning them like a bad habit?dont rush

Maybe all we really need to do is sincerely and genuinely love ourselves first! Our inner joy radiates and attracts people to us, even if we are dressed in our best outfit! More so, there is a sense of calmness and peace when we are at our best (genuine and sincere) as opposed to be being two-faced and pretentious all because we are seeking a partner. Won’t that veil eventually come off after a while? Especially when finally you become one?bsb pix

I am writing this to encourage and uplift someone who’s been on that “waiting list”. Someone who’s loved someone so deep it hurts that you are no more together or you were betrayed and abandoned. I am writing this to encourage someone who’s torn between deciding what to do next as that biological clock ticks away, I am encouraging someone single and searching to live life lovely…again! Do you! Love you! Discover you! Create fun for yourself! Join a local Zumba class and sweat out your girlish giggles at those sensual dance moves, travel more, attend seminars that enlightens, sign up for exotic cooking classes, volunteer at homeless shelters or join a book club. Get it together! Rather than sit on your couch, text your fans or post your latest heartbreak story on Facebook. Love yourself first.

Allow prince charming to discover you at your best leisure self-mode! It is okay to be agitated at the biological clock, it’s just doing its duty. You just need to prove it wrong that love comes better in your own time, God’s time! Sometimes when a dream is dead, it just needs to be prompted. Discover your true joy, bury yourself in it, and let the right guy come dig you out! Here’s how you can start, out of faith, write an imaginary letter to your “future husband” and paste on your refrigerator – trust me. It’s a positive reinforcement!

“Dear Future Husband, You are still in my prayers. When you are ready, according to God’s will, kindly press the bell once. I am not impatient or mad at you, for taking so long! I’m not afraid of commitment. I am also taking my time, learning new things and discovering myself. My inner beauty radiates daily with new strength from God. Meekly Yours, Your Future Wife”.

Yours in HOPE as I share Meghan Trainor’s Dear Future Husband.

Yinka.

 

 

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Set me free from my prison that I might praise your name: CANCER AWARENESS MONTH.

A young vibrant guy who conducted an interview with me on Cancer Awareness stepped back, arms bigger than cancerakimbo, with an exaggerated comical look and blotted out “No Way Ma! ah,’You are too young and fine to have cancer! How can? Oh please be serious! – Oh yes! I smiled back at him. “Forget the stage make up, the girlish attitude and the glamorous accessories you see, “Yeah! ‘This girl is a survivor” and for the next 5 minutes, everything became still and silent, we became deep in thoughts, hands clutched together like a praying mantis as he began praising God.20141018_104043

October is national breast cancer awareness month. It is one of those months that challenges me to sit up and be proactive in the campaign for raising awareness about the importance of early detection and treatment. Not necessarily because I am a cancer survivor, but more so, it is a season for me to reflect on the peaceful acceptance of finally stepping away from my confinement.

When we hear the word “PRISON or CONFINEMENT”, many times we get cold feet, we tremble and begin to panic. Our imagination begins to run wild and far, flashes of hardened looking incarcerated criminals in jumpsuits, locked up behind metal bars, dangling and clanging of handcuffs, organized and monitored scheduled visits with restrictions as prison security officers stand by with un-assuming looks tough enough to crush a wandering cockroach! But, that’s just the physical aspect of the lockup, and with time upon release or admonishment life goes on.

But really, our emotional state of mind (feelings) is actually one of the most dangerous and poisonous prison we have created for ourselves, without even knowing. It is our man-made confinement. An habitual lockup. A casual second skin jail. A renowned penitentiary that usually needs no administrative admittance. We casually stroll in and out of it without realizing it or knowing the damages it’s capable of. Hmmm.can 3

There are many emotions that cause us to slump and become crippled emotionally. Worry wears us down. Regret ruins our confidence. Hatred hardens our hearts. Unforgiveness stains our souls. Bitterness binds our hearts. Insecurity incapacitates our capabilities.

Not knowing what our God-given purpose is or suppressing our enthusiasm or pessimism is a form of imprisonment. It is not only when we are locked up or detained physically. Being blessed with a story and not using it wisely for its purpose, is an emotional confinement. Not creating or maintaining a desired platform is a jail term. Our conscience becomes the court of law that requires no physical judge.

Are you crippled emotionally today? Do words from your past tell you “not good enough,” Procrastination and inadequacy were my two close companions. I didn’t like these two lurking shadows, but they followed me everywhere I went. Stalkers, that’s what they were. They stalked me, yelling taunts and accusations that no one heard but me. The more I listened to them, the more emotionally crippled I became. Until I re-branded my passion by turning my pain into someone’s gain. walk instead

Are we aware that there is a message for us all during our time of confinement? To be able to declare God’s goodness in our lives. That we are indeed a living testimony irrespective of our past, our shame or our dirt!

As you are reading this today, Ask yourself, what is my prison? Is there something in my life that is crippling my spirit? Pain? Unforgiveness? Bitterness? Resentment? Guilt? Sorrow? Worry? Regret? Comparison? If so, let’s cut it loose with the saber of praise, cast it off, and throw it away. God calls us sheep; and sheep are not pack animals. We are not meant to carry such burdens with these scrawny legs of ours. If we try, we will only bend under the pressure we were never meant to bear.woman

Get out of your confinement and join me this weekend, as we prepare for the annual MAKING STRIDES FOR CANCER AWARENESS 4k WALK ON Saturday, October 17TH @ 7:30AM, right in front of the PLEASE TOUCH MUSEUM, MEMORIAL HALL, in PHILADELPHIA PA. No more slumping in self-doubt or hunching in half-hearted conviction. But rather LET’S stand up to the full stature of a confident being, equipped by God, empowered by the Holy Spirit, and enveloped in Christ.

Yours in HOPE as I share Mary Mary ” Shackles”.

Yinka.

“Set me free from my prison that I might praise your name’ (Psalm 142:7a NIV).

 

 

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Branding our optimism: Standing up straight and tall. PART ONE.

When I was a teenager, my mother used to threaten me whenever I hunched over at the dining table. “If you don’t sit up and finish up your food,’ she’d say, ‘I’m going to have to buy you a therapeutic back brace from Bola Chemist.” Honestly, I don’t even know if Bola Chemist make or sell back braces back then, but it sounded like a pretty good threat to me. Just the thought of passing through St Nicholas hospital or General Hospital all next door to Bola Chemist gave me nightmares! So I decided to cultivate a habit of always sitting up straight even when my mother’s prying eyes are not following me. And it worked out well, even until now as I’ve had to deal with some of life’s deep slumping experiences. And still ongoing.lag 3

So, I recently just returned from one of the greatest and fulfilling trips of my life! I was very blessed for encountering such beautiful and dedicated people back in Nigeria who deeply shared my passion for creating and making success stories happen. Not because the society requests it for status quo or cheap publicity, but because their love for humanity and community service is genuine.

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Talking about CANCER AWARENESS.

I’d learnt that carrying a banner to display a passion is not the same as connecting one-on-one with real life people, dealing with real life issues. Sometimes, creating a platform of awareness for our passion or a desired cause goes beyond media or social network. Connecting with the soul-carrier is deeper.

For the great opportunity given to me by Samson @TREK magazine who met with me at my parent’s house on the Island for the one-on-one interview on AUTISM AWARENESS IN NIGERIA and my proposal on establishing a support group/Autism school in Lagos. I am very grateful! For connecting me with various NGOs and Healthcare Administrators in Lagos. Thank you.

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ON AIR with KBABALOVEDOCTOR of WAZOBIA 95.1 FM, Lagos.

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With K Baba, Host of WAZOBIA FM’S “Love Clinic”

My midnight ON AIR radio show host connector! Ogunleke Kayode Clement aka. KBABA THE LOVE DOCTOR of  WAZOBIA 95.1 FM on Etim Inyang Street, V/Island. DR. Love! I hail! I salute! I am so thrilled and still excited about our ON AIR show. Thanks for giving me the platform to discuss more on #Moving Forward With Yinka! For giving me the opportunity to be your special guest on ‘Love Issues – relationships and marriage segments. Thanks for allowing me to be part of the panel for taking on calls from concerned and confused callers who needed help pertaining their love lives! Thanks for embracing my optimism on CANCER AWARENESS in Nigeria and allowing me to talk ON AIR to numerous wa 6listeners all over the world about my own personal journey as a 5year-cancer survivor. Oops! (Thanks for bringing out the best Pidgin English in me! Lol). You are truly appreciated. God bless you plenty my broda! – “As u don do for me dis good so! Na only better go dey come ya way o! (Lol).

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Autism Awareness Interview with Olori 60 Minutes TV in Lagos.

Special thanks to my team at 60 Minutes TV, Lagos! Olori 60 minutes! My PA and favorite niece! My personal graphics and studio manager, LeeGrapher! And everyone at 60 minutes TV. For the interview on Autism Awareness and support group in Nigeria, for connecting me with all the different families dealing with the challenges that come with caring for a special needs child in Nigeria. For every family who showed up and have embracedlag 4 the need for Autism awareness, and were more interested in finding a common ground for intervention! Because of you all, my journey to Lagos was successful! I pray that God continues to strengthen you all, emotionally and physically.

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FGGC Sagamu class of 1990 reunion @ Lekki.

A girly-shout out to my Almer Mater, Federal Government Girls College Sagamu class of ’90, for organizing a reunion luncheon at Lekki on OCT 1st! Love you all great shagamites! So good to see/hear from you all. Special thanks to Oby Ejekam-Ekekwe for creating what’s App Class of 1990 “P” Girls chat room! Babes, even after 25 years! You all still look smashing in your 40s! God’s hands’ is surely on us.

So, if you are reading this, ask yourself, what does it take to stand up straight and tall in your life? What is it that hinders my growth? Am I failing to thrive? Do I know my purpose for life? How can I package my idealism or confidence? Talk to me! Hmmm…

To be continued next week…

Yours in HOPE

Yinka.

 

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