When “Sexual Addiction” becomes a choice in our life: Should we continue to Love it or List it?

couple addt 1

What is that personal sexual uncontrollable craving you are dealing with? Yearning? Urges? Weakness? Itch? Or Impulse? Are we aware of the burden of the price label that comes with it? Especially amongst us, the pew lovers (Christians) who are still struggling with acceptance, rejection and reaching out for help! Aha, Do I have someone’s attention? Any palpitating heartbeat, racing and galloping like an un-tamed horse running wild?…’Let’s talk about it.

Angela and Bill have been married for 5 years. They truly love each other. And they deeply love God. One day, a visit to the fertility clinic to evaluate Bill’s sperm count due to the couple’s inability to have children has done more than ignite their passion. Bill, on several occasion has to deal with sitting in a room plastered with different pictures of naked women posing and sexually touching each other, looking excited and ready to devour him! This is the stage-up enticement room – inside the clinic. Not in the comfort of his house or at the gentlemen’s club he’s often heard his colleagues discussed and has vouched never to visit. He’s supposed to look through the porn magazine thrown carelessly on the chair, or at the picture of an overrated gigantic re-constructed set of breasts, get excited and be aroused, masturbate and then jerk off into a tiny specimen cup the nurse gave him. Even the cup has his name boldly written on it, only thing missing: picture of his wife and a “jerk off” guideline. Intellectually, he’d figured it out somehow.

5 years after, the family is complete with a lovely set of twins. But the underlying factor of provoked sexuality is now a huge challenge in their lives. Bill is now a proud father, and holds a degree in addiction to pornography/masturbation! On the other side, Angela is a loving mother who’s hooked on assorted sex toys that comes in different colours and shapes. And of course, they both still love the Lord, well literally and also dealing with their individual addiction alone. Confused and confined. Aware of their pain towards each other, and not able to discuss it either. Until now…

So, is masturbation inherently sinful? But what about those who are married? Or single? Is it okay to self-stimulate to orgasm? Since our bodies, and thus our sexuality, no longer belongs to us alone, but also to our spouse (1 Corinthians 7:3-5), masturbation by those who are married is not as simple a question as it is for singles. In general it is our spouse’s “duty” to deal with all of our sexual needs and desires. This does not mean that masturbation is sinful for a married man or woman, but it does somewhat limit its proper use.

Then if masturbation is not inherently sinful, there must be situations in marriage where it is allowed and situations when certain conditions approves it, even if we are not in a relationship. In some situations it is the only wise choice for some individuals. Right? Then what about pornography!!!…that’s a different topic for another day! (disgruntled sign!)

Masturbation reduces our desire for our spouse, or the ability to be sexual when we want to be, we also need to understand that things change: changes in work stress, busyness, relationship can result in an increase in a person’s sex drive. Also, women’s sex drives often increases in their thirties and/or forties. Sexual refusal, dissimilar sex drives. Illness and separation. What was right or necessary at one point in a marriage may no longer be either right or necessary unless there is open communication about sexual wants and needs, and about any masturbation going on, maybe you are even masturbating when your spouse would like to have more sex with you!

Do people engage in masturbation for emotional reasons and self-esteem issues than for physical needs? Are we dependent on it? Enslaved? Fixated or Hooked on? Whatever way we want to address this, still all boils down to the same issue of addiction. It is our habit of ability that’s considered injurious, mind-blowing and character disposition. It is a problem covered with limited pleasure!

Whatever started this? How did we get here? Why do we want to stop? Why do we keep going back to it? Psychologically, what’s the impact of it to our personal life? Are we hurting someone through our selfish desire or damaging our own conscience? Is it a dark place? Is it okay to be subjected to our own pleasure? Do we need to stop? Are we ready to stop and get over it? Who to do? …… To be continued!

Yours in HOPE, as I share one of my favorite songs below,


20 thoughts on “When “Sexual Addiction” becomes a choice in our life: Should we continue to Love it or List it?

  1. Just like most of the respondents have alluded this is rather deep topic and one that is generally avoided, but that is why you are “You”, treading where others dare not. Your simplistic yet insightful way of pulling us into these dreaded topics is truly a gift which you have been very selfless in sharing. Don’t keep us waiting to long for the next installment.

    God’s Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a very sensitive topic Yinka. Very personal yet disturbing for a lot of people. This is someone’s skeleton in the closet. I’m glad you brought it up.
    We’ll be surprised to know that this is a very common occurrence in the world we are today. And we’ll be quick to justify the reason behind the behavior and the logic of self righteous.
    Most teenagers will tell you that they have been in it, men will claim they are in it for disease protection or wanting to commit adulterous moves, women will say, its because they don’t want to commit fornication. ..and the list goes on.
    It’s a personal thing.
    Everyone is entitled to explore, but at what cost? ?
    I like the idea of your introduction with the couples and their dilemma.
    But, what about others?
    Looking forward to the second part.
    Good job again.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anthonia, thanks for shedding light on this. Much discussed in secrecy, but truly inspiring. Will share during ladies retreat in Virginia. Good one babe!


  4. Dear Yinka, thanks for sharing this particular topic. I am one of those who’s actually in denial and struggling with it.
    I was introduced in it through frustrating efforts of not committing fornication or breaking someone else marriage.
    I’m currently in therapy through my job.
    I am not even bold enough to get help through my church or talk to friends and family about it.
    I know somday I have to summon courage to help others going through it.
    Personally I want to stop it.
    I want to look forward to enjoying my partner in my marriage someday. Thank you for sharing this topic.
    You reached out to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yinka!!
    You definitely got this topic right!
    Am so proud of you. ..
    When is the other part coming out? ?
    Biko, we’ll be here waiting. ..
    cos we need to tap into your knowledge.
    #love you girl
    You always inspire me..


  6. Applaud! Applaud!
    Awesome write up.
    This is so real, yet people are afraid of talking about it. You are indeed an exceptional writer!
    Looking forward to more of this. .


  7. Will like to comment on this very important but highly avoided issues/topic you’ve highlighted. But will like to wait for your next publication on this to express my views and queries.

    Once again, I applaud your courage on tackling this everyday issue in our everyday lives as humans but tabooed to be spoken of or even discussed @ all with our supposed closest confidants (wife, husband, partner, girlfriend or boyfriend).
    Ganzy, more ink to your pen…!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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