Do you ever feel a strong pang or spasm within you whenever you recall a certain disheartening event from your past? Even though it’s meant to be locked-up and discarded far away from your subconscious, it still finds its way to interrupt the joy you thought you have built for the present day, and shatters all the dreams for your future plans.
Some call it unforgettable memories; many call it the past that never left; to others, it is the wound that never heals! Whatever name it’s called, believe me, every single woman reading this has experienced dealing with one or more!
We’ve all had that heart fracture, heart split, from the goofy lover-boy from down the street with tales so tall it hurts! Some from intimate family issues that never were resolved, complicated relationships, loveless marriages, lost love due to separation, divorce, death or childhood trauma that’s now affecting our adult lives.
We all know someone still battling with the weight of the pain from their past, that’s crippling their heart and holding them back from approaching a whole new life that God has in store for them!
Isn’t it time to walk out of the ICU of our mindset? After listening to people who have walked similar paths? Isn’t it time to trust our hearts to beat again and move on?
How do we explain the fear of the thought of sex or just being touched even with the one we have been married to? Or why the addiction to sex is just a carryover of the foundation we were forcefully introduced to during our innocent childhood? Or why we have to be so insecure and never able to trust anyone again, calculating and playing vigilante with every prospective suitor? especially after trust has been broken, either mentally, physically or emotionally? How do we allow our hearts to go on? How do we love again…
“Ring-a-ring o’ roses, a pocket full of posies, A-tishoo! A-tishoo! We all fall down”
What do I do when instead of spontaneous falling and getting back up again in my childish glee and giggle, I am held down by the shackles of trauma… molestation… fingering… rape… incest… emotional neglect… physical abuse? And we hide under the umbrella of a barbaric culture that silenced the victim’s voice but uphold the face of the culprit! should we just bury it in a place so far deep in our subconscious, that it ceases to exist? Hmmm or did it really happen? Have we been brainwashed to believe it never happened? What do you think?
Volcano: 1 in 3 people were abused in childhood and carry these scars to adulthood. Sequelae: Fear of intimacy, Sexual acting out and Addiction
Come April 27th to April 29th, all of the above and more will be discussed at the 2017 Total Woman Conference by seasoned speakers who will also be providing one-on-one counselling.
“Forget the hurts of the past, Forsake unwholesomeness, Forge ahead in the power and authority of Christ, Forge into new frontiers of love peace & prosperity”
And because sometimes, life is a game that will always be played on, but God’s love is always unconditional and never changes! Let’s be deliberate by being a part of the movement that aims to turn our pain into gain and propels us to become THAT woman God predestined us to be.
Don’t let the pain you are going through deter God’s purpose in your life.
5 MORE DAYS TO GO!!!(Excitement mode activated!)#TWC 3.
If you are reading this and fall under that specific age where those sugar-coated tongue-guys are spreading their tentacles, making false deliveries of exaggerated non-existent fantasy-like promises! And suddenly, POOF! ‘They disappear into thin air! Oh no! ‘Whatever happened to those promises and aspirations?
Nothing to worry about! ‘Cos there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, babes! But everything amiss with that man who’s taking you for granted! Or you’ve been through a series of roller coaster-kind of relationships for a while and now given up on going into another one! But really, who wouldn’t crawl back into their shell to regain their sanity after such emotional distress?
You look at your image in the mirror, and what you see is a beautiful well-formed, strong and dynamic lady! Even those around pass glowing compliments! Oh goodness! What do you see? The type of girl any sensible guy would gladly take home to Momma! And dance jubilantly to the altar…
‘But you just keep wondering… ‘When will it be my turn?NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY!!
You may be broken, due to certain circumstances, but also you need to understand that there can’t be any healing without first being broken. Come figure out how to start the healing process, let’s put the pieces back together just like the “potter” would, aligning the fragments in such a way that when the “bond” (the healing, fragrant balm is added) you have a splendidly well-put together piece that will speak volumes of what was shrouded in that brokenness.
What are you waiting for? Come join other singles as we gather around seasoned speakers like The Mercados, Rev. Adetuberu, Terri Matthews and more… Come learn how to set realistic goals in building strong relationships! Come join us as we listen to teachings on how to apply Godly principles while waiting. Together, we can learn to understand that just as you are not perfect, there is no perfect guy out there, but dare I say, there is a guy out there who loves all your perfect imperfections, accepting you just the way you are!
Need more information? Visit www.totalwomanmovement.com to be plugged into the movement that will Heal, Enlighten, Liberate and Position you for a better tomorrow!
Yours in HOPE,
***WATCH OUT for #TWC 4 “Are you GOLDEN, MATURED & SEASONED? –‘Here’s a glimpse of what to expect at the upcoming TOTAL WOMAN CONFERENCE! (For the Graciously Ripe and Germane OLDER ADULTS @ 55+.
(Open letter of encouragement to my single and searching friends)
Erika absent-mindedly toyed and twirled with the tip of her champagne glass. Loosing count already of the numbers of weddings she’s had to dance in as the maid of honor! Or wake the bride up at 7am for facial or call up the video crew to come up for recording as the lucky bride, her childhood friend excitedly slip on her silver Manolo Blahnik pumps. Oh no! I can’t be jealous! She muttered under her breath as beads of perspiration and anxiety begins to swell up on her forehead.
Uncountable evil thoughts and imaginary demons of her past began to creep up the back of her neck, “Why not me? She’s quickly taken back by the deep Barry White-like voice of the bride’s younger brother; as he bumps into her, asking her for a dance.
‘Good-gracious-Lawd! ‘Why is he so cute but painfully too young for me? He’s 6 years younger! Maybe I shouldn’t care about the age thing? Or is that not robbing the cradle! What will people say?Geez! Do I sound desperate! Yeah, maybe I should, am in my late 30s and un-married! And drooling over a kindergartener! On and on, these thoughts kept strolling in and out of her head, until it was her turn to give the toast, she walked up to the center of the room, clutching her champagne glass like her life depended on it, tears falling freely drenching her perfectly made-up face, she opened her mouth, stammered and then it all happened…
Today…‘Can-we-talk-about-men? Maybe not about how adorable Spain’s Rafael Nadal looked at the last US Open, or about the outrageously offensive comment from Donald Trump’s anti-immigrant, anti-Latino, anti-woman lead. Or even that personal crush “yours truly” has on Bruno Mars! (Smiles).
Let’s ignore the tabloids today and do real talk! and really If we are all being honest with ourselves, and I assure you, today I’m all about straight talk – which means that I have to confess that our mindset is one of the biggest obstacles to living as an uncluttered woman when it comes to dealing with the issues of men.
Even as I am still married 18 years and counting to the same guy I found with two left feet on the dance floor at Club Towers about 22 years ago! I must admit that every aspect of our relationship only gets better with age, tolerance and understanding (even sex). I know that I should depend solely on God for direction and strength, and I am thriving! Most of us would admit that this is the case. Whether we are married or single! We are all in the same boat, only difference is our sense of resistance.
Is it not hard enough that we have to sift through all that is thrown at us each day? We begin a flourishing relationship, we nurture it with all we have and pray it flourishes well enough for a blossoming ever after effect, but then disarray happens and it challenges all of us. I’m in the foxhole with you and readily admit that navigating this crazy world of handling relationship is complicated.
There are so many things that compete for our attention and clutter our decision-making: our faith, emotions, materialism, negative thinking, busy schedules, doubts, laziness, self-reliance, self-esteem, family baggage, our past pains and failures, expectations, technology, work, our need to control things, our need to be accepted, finances, debt, stress, addictions, discontentment and then… relationships. Argh! And I’m just getting started! This list could go on forever. Anyone feeling me?
Does fear of the unknown keep us from taking a big leap of fate in choosing a partner? ‘are you still single and confused about your choice based on what the world projects HIM to be? Torn between giving a chance to someone you ‘kind of’ like but doesn’t have that ‘it’ factor you have always dreamt of!- If only! The lips were fuller! The skin was darker! The height was intact! If only he has 6 packs like Nadal! If only he could sing and be so romantic like Adam Levine! And the “if only” list goes on and on because we have so programmed our brain to only embrace that which is only portrayed in our fairy tale-mindset. Not until our biological clock begins to tick faster, attracts family concerns and un-solicited friendly advice. When will it be? With who? Phew!
Here’s the deal. We all have an idea of what we want in someone, especially when dating that we imagine will become a life time commitment, we still need to be careful what we wish for! A lot of courtship now are more interested in acquiring the “Trophy image”. Isn’t that an exposure of the self-esteem issue? Picking and dictating and getting fanned in our ego? Maybe it’s a blessing you are taking your time rather than rushing into marriage because of desperate measures? To please who? Friends? The society? Family? Or break an ancestral curse of bondage? Shouldn’t the decision of a life time commitment between a couple be consecrated unto God only? And no other external factors?
Is there really a manual or instruction kept somewhere for finding the perfect guy? Is Mr. Right sold on store shelves on demand at a high cost, with no bargaining options? What’s going on ladies? What’s with the fuss? You abandoned the one that shows affection all because he doesn’t really fit into your to-get manual? You chase after the one that thinks about you only in mode-nudity? Would you rather rush in and marry the one you first fall in love with? Whose heart probably is still hooked onto a bunch of broken-hearted ladies, who’d probably cursed out his destiny for abandoning them like a bad habit?
Maybe all we really need to do is sincerely and genuinely love ourselves first! Our inner joy radiates and attracts people to us, even if we are dressed in our best outfit! More so, there is a sense of calmness and peace when we are at our best (genuine and sincere) as opposed to be being two-faced and pretentious all because we are seeking a partner. Won’t that veil eventually come off after a while? Especially when finally you become one?
I am writing this to encourage and uplift someone who’s been on that “waiting list”. Someone who’s loved someone so deep it hurts that you are no more together or you were betrayed and abandoned. I am writing this to encourage someone who’s torn between deciding what to do next as that biological clock ticks away, I am encouraging someone single and searching to live life lovely…again! Do you! Love you! Discover you! Create fun for yourself! Join a local Zumba class and sweat out your girlish giggles at those sensual dance moves, travel more, attend seminars that enlightens, sign up for exotic cooking classes, volunteer at homeless shelters or join a book club. Get it together! Rather than sit on your couch, text your fans or post your latest heartbreak story on Facebook. Love yourself first.
Allow prince charming to discover you at your best leisure self-mode! It is okay to be agitated at the biological clock, it’s just doing its duty. You just need to prove it wrong that love comes better in your own time, God’s time! Sometimes when a dream is dead, it just needs to be prompted. Discover your true joy, bury yourself in it, and let the right guy come dig you out! Here’s how you can start, out of faith, write an imaginary letter to your “future husband” and paste on your refrigerator – trust me. It’s a positive reinforcement!
“Dear Future Husband, You are still in my prayers. When you are ready, according to God’s will, kindly press the bell once. I am not impatient or mad at you, for taking so long! I’m not afraid of commitment. I am also taking my time, learning new things and discovering myself. My inner beauty radiates daily with new strength from God. Meekly Yours, Your Future Wife”.
Yours in HOPE as I share Meghan Trainor’s Dear Future Husband.