When Michelle is only 12 years old, she is raped by Reggie, the boyfriend of her mother. When her mother does not believe her accusations, Michelle runs away and begins a downward spiral that includes drugs and prostitution, eventually landing in prison. There she hears of Bishop T.D. Jakes, a preacher who works with women like her. Jakes takes an interest in Michelle’s case and visits her… (Culled from the movie “Woman Thou art loosed).
I remembered the first time I watched “Woman thou art loosed”, I must have glared so hard at the screen, terrified, awed and frozen! Forgotten about my bowl of pop-corn. I couldn’t wait to see how this hardened jail bird would be broken by TD Jakes… but He did! At a moment, I felt myself transformed and imagining the pain and agony she’d encountered for years! And only for the healing words to be delivered through controlled prison walls? Hmmm.
Recently, there’s been an uproar of amazement and bewilderment; many minds are wondering, hurt, confused and still appalled; speculating and disheartened over how far our emotions can take us into brutal rage. How far would we go in professing our love or hatred? How far would we declare our anger in times of pulsating fury? When you remember that love-patch that never worked out for you, do you give a deep sigh, bless God and keep living? Or do you wallow in self-pity over what could have been? Do you regret missing out of a broken relationship? Do you destroy affection by your words? Or do you protect your words with your frenzy?
When your love life fails (marriage or relationship) the once-upon-a-time blissful shower is now a puddle of regret, who do you turn to? Friends who are more interested in your good juicy superficial tales? Family members who could be self-centered? Or just ordinary people who sincerely wants to hold your hands, allow the tears and words to flow and willingly wipe your tears, without being judgmental? Where’s your support system? Who’s your support system? After you’ve prayed and fasted and done all you can…’when you are so enraged and hurt and cheated on by life, what do you do? When Love itself stops loving you, do you walk away and hope you get it right next time? Or you just fix it based on your current state of mind?
Last week socked me with a one-two knockout punch. The news of the death of another victim in a stormy marriage! Death has punched hard. Shockwaves of grief are running through the veins of all who know and love them. It seems so wrong. So upside-down. Excruciating. Inconceivable. Unfair. Crooked.
My soul is restless with questions.
If life in Christ is promised to be abundant and full (John 10:10), then why are there times when it seems so empty and broken? Why does pain sting so violently? Why do good people die young? Why do we sometimes allow the devil’s workshop to occupy a space in our idle minds? Why do honorable Christ-followers face such compelling hardships?
So, for all of us still living and silently enduring a painful relationship, let’s cultivate a habit of SPEAKING OUT when we are hurting! even when the one-two punches come, we can trust God – not because we understand all the circumstances, or even like them – but because we know HIM. And because we know HIM, we can trust that He will provide all that we need to process pains, heal from wounds, and move forward in strength, grace, and peace.
When we are intimately familiar with God – when we don’t just know about Him, but when we KNOW Him – the most crooked roads we travel are made straight. Not because life is easy. Hardship stings and life is complicated. Not because all that we experience is just. Much of life is unfair. But because when we know God, we know:
His strength that is accessible in our weakness
His comfort that meets us as we mourn
His mercy that withholds the punishment our depravity readily deserves
His peace that defies our unrest
His joy that kisses the cheeks of our sorrow
His courage that emboldens our weary hearts and casts away fears
His redemption that reworks our brokenness into beauty
His love that binds us to eternity and delights over us with singing
Yours in HOPE!
4 thoughts on “When Affection Fails… ‘Are we always in control of our RAGE?”
When affection fails!!! This is a wake up call for everyone going through a challenging or confusing relationship or marriage or whatever we want to call it.
And I always say this to all my clients when they walk into my office fuming and angry!
I think the question we should be asking ourselves is…Am I truly fulfill or happy where I am right now? Is my life threatened with my partner? How and who do I vent to?
Where’s the support system? Because when people you’re committed to fails you, where do you go to vent? Doing this is like attending an anger management class, but when emotional involved. .we could sometimes be short sighted or overwhelmed with anxiety.
80% of church attendees would object to counseling, but really they are the most vulnerable and deeply in need of help.
Nice article Ms. Antonia.
Anthonia, this message resonates in me. Thanks for sharing.
I hope people will learn to cry out more when they hurt. I really hope so.
I went through a horrific experience 8 years ago. I’m now in a better place in my life.
Will the memories vanish immediately, not really, am still battling with it, especially explaining to the children why they are not allowed to see their father who is still in jail.
Thank you Yinka for having the courage to talk about it. ..and thanks for the words of encouragement, you’re doing a great thing with your blog.
This is deep Anthonia, thanks for sharing. .