life’s issues

That MY HEART may go on…

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 21 Comments

                                          Countdown to TWC ‘17 (Part One) do 4

Do you ever feel a strong pang or spasm within you whenever you recall a certain disheartening event from your past? Even though it’s meant to be locked-up and discarded far away from your subconscious, it still finds its way to interrupt the joy you thought you have built for the present day, and shatters all the dreams for your future plans.

Some call it unforgettable memories; many call it the past that never left; to others, it is the wound that never heals! Whatever name it’s called, believe me, every single woman reading this has experienced dealing with one or more!

We’ve all had that heart fracture, heart split, from the goofy lover-boy from down the street with tales so tall it hurts! Some from intimate family issues that never were resolved, complicated relationships, loveless marriages, lost love due to separation, divorce, death or childhood trauma that’s now affecting our adult lives.

We all know someone still battling with the weight of the pain from their past, that’s crippling their heart and holding them back from approaching a whole new life that God has in store for them!

Isn’t it time to walk out of the ICU of our mindset? After listening to people who have walked similar paths?  Isn’t it time to trust our hearts to beat again and move on?

How do we explain the fear of the thought of sex or just being touched even with the one we have been married to? Or why the addiction to sex is just a carryover of the foundation we were forcefully introduced to during our innocent childhood? Or why we have to be so insecure and never able to trust anyone again, calculating and playing vigilante with every prospective suitor? especially after trust has been broken, either mentally, physically or emotionally? How do we allow our hearts to go on? How do we love again…

“Ring-a-ring o’ roses, a pocket full of posies, A-tishoo! A-tishoo! We all fall down”

What do I do when instead of spontaneous falling and getting back up again in my childish glee and giggle, I am held down by the shackles of trauma… molestation… fingering… rape… incest… emotional neglect… physical abuse? And we hide under the umbrella of a barbaric culture that silenced the victim’s voice but uphold the face of the culprit! should we just bury it in a place so far deep in our subconscious, that it ceases to exist? Hmmm or did it really happen? Have we been brainwashed to believe it never happened? What do you think?

Volcano: 1 in 3 people were abused in childhood and carry these scars to adulthood. Sequelae: Fear of intimacy, Sexual acting out and Addiction

Frigidity: Anger, bitterness, resentment, Post-traumatic stress disorder, Dysphoria, irritability Sleep problems, flash backs, Anxiety, Hyper-vigilance.

Come April 27th to April 29th, all of the above and more will be discussed at the 2017 Total Woman Conference by seasoned speakers who will also be providing one-on-one counselling.

“Forget the hurts of the past, Forsake unwholesomeness,  Forge ahead in the power and authority of Christ, Forge into new frontiers of love peace & prosperity”

And because sometimes, life is a game that will always be played on, but God’s love is always unconditional and never changes! Let’s be deliberate by being a part of the movement that aims to turn our pain into gain and propels us to become THAT woman God predestined us to be.

Don’t let the pain you are going through deter God’s purpose in your life.

To be continued. logo-tw

Yours in HOPE

Yinka & Enitan.

TWC Workshop Team.
http://www.totalwomanmovement.com

 

 

Crying Out Loud or Smiling Through It? (Courage during life’s challenges)

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 5 Comments

karmaChallenges undertaken for the greater good bind us to people, whereas the pursuit of comfort leads to isolation. And for certain, isolation is terminal. But, how do we recognize our weakness? And work on our strength? If we are not expressive!

There’s no precise formula for it. And like every other area of growth in our life, our mountain won’t look exactly like anyone else’s. But we will surely recognize it, because it lies at the intersection of our greatest strengths and our greatest passions after a storm. We may endeavor to hide, or disguise, the emotional pain that comes in the wake of negative beliefs about ourselves evoked by a particular person or situation. But we can’t always avoid it!

I once knew a close pal in my college days (fondly called him my baby brother) the perfect-picture of a total gentleman. He must have been sprinkled with extra good-mouth-watering spices, prepared specially by the angels when God created him! Always cheerful and smiling. Humble and articulate! He has this certain soothing-aura that draws people close to him, to confide in him. And did I mention he was oh-so-cute with chocolate-skin-deep-dimples! Aha! He wasn’t a smoker or alcohol lover, but knows how to maintain his friendship with the crazy campus-crowd! He was such a good listener to people’s personal issues, but no one ever bothered to worry about him needing a shoulder to rest on. Literally! He was the “always okay guy! And every girl’s dream, the type you take home to your parents and they are like.. ’Aha! Awesome Sauce! Let’s pick a date quick! (Lol!)

But recently, I’d listened to one of his new songs released on you tube and was amazed at his emotional lamentation of how he’d battled with life’s issues, while still putting up an act for the world to see. My heart bled! Why? Probably I felt guilty for the forgotten years of not taking time to say ’Talk to me, let it out! As opposed to “You will be fine, hang in there”

As it is today in history, “Hang in there” is partially the reason why a lot of emotionally challenged people are “Hanging up on life, simply because there are no outlets for them. Think about it today, whose outlet are you?

So, when we ask someone hurt whether anything was wrong, for it is blatantly obvious from their expression or tone of voice that they’re upset, only to have them say: “No, I’m fine.” And it is so obvious that they’re not fine but retreating into themselves to avoid a dialogue they fear might end up making them feel worse. What do we do?

Sometimes we go through some stuff in life that just requires us to sit-back, weather the storm alone, observe the wound or just let it heal! But not for long in becoming unusually quiet or shut down. Such silence speaks volumes, and generally the message is: “I’m not going to risk you hurting me more than you already have, so I’m putting a wall between us.”

Our tendencies to conceal our emotional frailty from others is the fear that exposing it would make us look weak to them and indeed, make us feel weak and powerless to ourselves. So instead of “Crying out loud” (Am hurting! Am lonely! Help me!) we “Smile through our teeth” (say it is well!!) we assume that frankly disclosing our hurt feelings would betray our susceptibility and will define us as exploit, or take advantage of us. It’s as though in “displaying” our hurt we’re selling-off our personal power, relinquishing it to others to use over us in any way they deem fit.

Today, for someone reading this, believe me it is absolutely okay to CRY OUT LOUD! to truly make others more attuned to your vulnerable feelings, we need to manifest them physically and also express them verbally.

Men for example will likely avoid divulging wounded feelings for fear that doing so will compromise their felt sense of masculinity. While Women, on the other hand, are much more likely to worry that disclosing their emotional distress may lead them to be called thin-skinned or too sensitive. Hmmm!

But, we can’t always blame others for their insensitivity toward us. Do they know any better? We need to be more expressive by becoming more aware of and responsive to our feelings, especially unless we’re willing to go out on an emotional limb and reveal our vulnerability, they may never be able to understand and give us the support we crave from them.

Somebody once said that when everything’s coming your way—you’re on the wrong side of the road. Living the adventure God planned for you isn’t just another pursuit; it’s the reason you were born! Encourage someone today!

Yours in HOPE as I introduce Sodi’s “Contradictions of Life” (all grown, but still my baby brother!!) see music video below.

Yinka.

 

Life’s issues exhausting? ’Time to fix our eyes on…

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence / 14 Comments

fixOur Emotions: Affection, Despair, Rage, Shame, Sentiment, Passion, Excitement, Pride, Remorse or Anger can be a great motivator in our lives and also a great enemy at other times.

According to Watchman Nee, author of Spiritual Discernment, “Emotions are the believer’s number one enemy – not the devil, but our emotions” That’s why we always need to have a sincere talk with our feelings and check-in with our mindset.

When we live our life emotionally exhausted, there’s no fun in it. Practically everyone I know growing up had dreams of great adventure, love-passionately, fun, family and friends, Right? If we take a look at our current lifestyle and consider how the reasons listed above has caused an emotional energy crisis in our life, then we can connect with the renewable resources that’s needed to fuel our emotional energy and plug up the leaks draining us. Certainly, we’ll feel better about ourselves, our relationships and our lifestyle.

About 23 years ago, I survived a horrific school riot. Myself and two other Polytechnic students managed to escape into a nearby bush and were rescued by an elderly villager who shielded us against the brutality of angry student-demonstrators and also harbored us from the more-angered mobile policemen arresting students on sight. We took solace alongside the villager’s jolly wife and their four children inside his un-completed 2-bedroom house, by the outskirt of Bori in Rivers State. No electricity or running water – we were so terrified and uncertain about our future and cried our hearts out every minute until we ran out of tears! But they treated us well, provided us food until the 2nd night when a vigilante team and police escort came by to rescue us and delivered us home safely.

That was one crazy –memorable period of my life. I was emotionally drained, demented and displaced! Myself and the other 2 students who escaped together, formed a special bond that’s made us best of friends since then. If a fly had mistakenly perched on my nose, I would ball into uncontrollable tears! literally! It was a messy emotional distraction! The effect/aftermath of the riot!

So, again I‘ve had to fight that forbearance battle! but this time around with my chin tilted up and the tears that came was to celebrate freedom of expression and not fear. My eyes were fixed on God’s purpose for me to learn from those challenging issues I couldn’t wish away, erase, rewind or wipe off with white out! But with grace, to press the play button and move forward instead.

Bouncing back, I realized that if we give God the reins of our heart, we’ll surely find stability. But then, we have to give Him all the reins or we’ll still be in danger of pulling in the wrong direction as we run our races. If we pick and choose which emotions we will submit to God and which ones we’ll allow free rein in our souls, we might still be unstable and wounded. We’ll end up holding on tight as the emotional roller coaster turns us upside down and leaves us spinning in circles.

Friendship breaks when it’s not nurtured, Family ties gets knotted when love is conditional, Marriages fail when we run out of the emotional energy to reach one more time across the divide of anger and silence. Dreams die when we kill the enthusiasm to hang in there and face all the obstacles that may come with it.

Today, I am encouraging someone reading this to Hit Rewind, Click Delete, and Stand Face To Face with whatever mistakes or heartbreak or emotional coaster they’re riding on. To be able to identify what made them feel emotionally exhausted and to say “NO MORE” to that which deplete them, so that they can create more space in their life for saying “OH YES” to that which fuels their spirit, soul and body. Here’s what I’d do differently… Focus on the play button and ‘Fix my eyes on God!

Yours in Hope as I share one of my favorite songs below.

Yinka