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Approaching the Elephant in our room.

DSC_0919Here I am trying to breastfeed my 2 month-old-baby, MY GOODNESS!! She’s making such a fuss! It seems like she’s having difficulty latching on or even not sure how to work my nipples! I smiled and said to myself, “Oh, it’s my third baby, so I should be a pro at this” (inward consolation thing). Phew!

I’m admiring this beautiful full curly black-haired baby, her tiny cheek so soft and round like one drenched with precious memories of the sweetness of a baker’s delight; A sugar-covered-jelly donut! Her little black eyes twitched as the bright morning reflection of sunray brushes over her face.

Ah! My post-cancer baby! So squishy and velvety, radiating the most enchanting features of love and beauty.

But there was a problem.

I wasn’t getting enough direct eye contact from her.

Is it that those around me didn’t recognize it or had decided to ignore it? Am I the only one seeing the mighty footprints? Or was I getting paranoid for no darn reason! After all, that’s what I do 5 days a week for other families.

My heart skipped a beat! And when it finally found its way back to my body, it broke into a million pieces when she wouldn’t trace my finger across her face! I quickly went shopping in my brain and bargained for all the best nursery rhymes I could find. Fetched all the Early Intervention child developmental milestones books I could read! As a therapist for child-development myself, it was harder for me to accept the intruding delay that could be, but so much easier for me to bring in all the best child developmental services in Delaware county into my room.ele 1

Even though it was my own child needing early childhood intervention, my commitment was stronger than that of Lady Brienne of Tarth in Game of Thrones. #GOT

So, Elephant in the room is an English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth of chaos that is going unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk that no one wants to talk about, discuss or address.ele 3

In the real world where you and I live, it is regarded as our state of mind! It is that nicely swept problem that forcefully resides with us; based on dis-approval, denial and dis-illusion.

But, in the make-believe world we feign, it is an abode for that hush-hush marital insecurity issue, it is that heavy feeling of pain and anguish when one is being used and betrayed, it is that status-quo inadequacy, it is that child still wondering if the term ‘bastard’ is a middle name! It is that sexuality problem never discussed and still un-resolved/that beautiful young lady wondering if true love really still exists after a horrid heart break!

It is that delayed passage of breakthrough or diabolical hunger and quest to make it big and fast in life! It is that infertility no-go area discussion! The nights of free-flowing tears on the loss of a baby or pregnancy, those complicated medical results, un-resolved family drama, carried on from generation to generation! All those frightening controversial issues which is so obvious to everyone who knows about the situation, but which is deliberately ignored because to do otherwise would cause great embarrassment, or trigger arguments or is simply a taboo. What’s the fear? That we could be judged? that the issue ought to be discussed openly, or it can simply be an acknowledgment that the issue is there and not going to go away by itself!

Aren’t some of the things we go through today similar to an Elephant in a room that’s impossible to overlook? like seriously!! ‘Hello…’Am still here!ele 5

Issues that involve social taboo, discussion of race, religion, gender equality or even suicide. Should the people who might have spoken up decide that it is probably best avoided?

I don’t think so. How else would the elephant make an exit? Or am I wrong?

Could it be because our infirmity has now become our identity or because our crisis now defines who we are and forms the familiar guidelines of our life?

With the entrance of an elephant in their room, some people use their weaknesses to get the attention they crave or to keep from assuming any responsibility in their own lives, but not with a huge animal like an elephant starring you in the face day in day out!

What about our own situation that’s so glaring, yet we cover it up with nicely packaged-fragrance, expensive line of make-up with ambiguous price tags to suck in the scars or marks? Or that sensual erotic 6-pack image that attracts only what the eyes can see as the soul bleeds and begs to run far away from its misery!

Isn’t that a cover up for obvious problem or difficult situation that people do not want to talk about?ele 4

Our helplessness can be our most powerful offering – Only if we are willing to be honest and transparent. Admitting the obvious. Sometimes it is a lot easier to just stay in the room and wait than to struggle toward the light without acceptance.

Can you see yourself in this room, with an invisible elephant? Have you been trapped or paralyzed by the pain of loss or rejection or the weight of an intruder in your personal space? Are you taking care of a child with special needs and feeling overwhelmed? Have friends betrayed you and left you lying by a pool of crushed hopes and dreams?

God sees your helplessness. He knows your heart and hears your desperate cry. Stand up today to that intruder in your room, and let God direct your path.

Yours in HOPE as I share ‘Am I Wrong’ by Nico & Vinz.

Yinka.

 

 

 

 

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The bargaining power of Control & Command! ‘At What Cost?

enduranceThere’s a task at hand. Your inner mind is the workshop. The tools needed for the job is priceless and never for sale at the local store, You have the map and detour rules stamped in your heart, because your talent is raw and in-built, accomplishing it is simply a piece of cake, why? Because it is your gifting, it is that wow factor that defines you! Not your juicy past or what people say or think about you, but God’s mark of un-common favor, uniqueness and exceptional beauty bestowed upon you. It is a glaring revelation! You have what it takes!

If you are thinking like me, I love good bargains. I love the feel and command of bargaining power either at the fabric aisle or beads aisle in NY. It’s an open market where everyone is allowed to boast and brag about their bargaining power. The best part of this bargain is that, you are allowed to walk away either way. With or without a smile, all depending on your bargaining power to control and command the cost of an item! Period!

So, for us folks in the pews “the reverse” is the case. What does it cost us to outdo each other? Have we ever taken a leap of faith to display our inner beauty? ‘Having the mindset of fulfilling God’s mission to empower and inspire those around us with our talent? ‘thinking like a servant rather than a leader? ‘Transparency in our “good deeds” without hidden agenda? Not looking at purchasing titles and cheap recognition because we crave it? ‘Diligently and humbly carrying those with burdensome insecurity through? Have you ever been in a situation where your God-given talent is considered a threat? Intimidation and competition setting in! ‘Do we bargain for competition instead of cooperation?

Competition is a way of life all over the world. It is has no place in the house of God. It is the fuel that keeps jealousy and hatred burning. It associates rivalry, contest and opposition. It connects striving for the same object against another person. Like-mindedness is union-based! —it is the attitude of cooperation we all need. Is that not the way a Christian should follow? ‘Not only is the act of competing wrong, but the actual attitude of competition and flexing of power is baffling. The attitude of competition is totally condemned by God.

‘Hoping someone will cultivate the attitude of humility and cooperation, to stop trying to win people over by putting others down with their sweet coated holier-than-thou attitude speech, thus proving superiority over them. Will it produce mediocrity? I doubt it! In actual fact, it leads to achieving excellence, and helping others to do so as well. But what do I know about attitude bargaining? I am just an ordinary expressionist moving forward in life!

May God Help Us All!

Yinka

http://www.yinkalawrence.com

 

 

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