Have you ever been taught by an insensitive teacher or speaker? Talk about it being painful! A block of information is dumped into your ears from their mouths. Whether it’s interesting or well thought through is unimportant. Or an insensitive physician, who views you just as another case number without really caring about how you are feeling at that particular moment.
Perhaps the most tragic shades of insensitivity occur in the home. Between couples to begin with. The needs in the heart of a wife long to be discovered by her husband. She hides them until an appropriate moment . . . but it never arrives. He’s “too busy.” What cursed words! “Other things are more important.” Oh, really? Name one. And vice versa, a husband wrestles with a matter down deep . . . in the “combat zone” of his mind. Lacking perception, the preoccupied wife drives on—never pausing, never looking into his eyes, his soul-gate, reading the signs that spell “I A-M H-U-R-T-I-N-G”. Insensitivity is painful. It’s damaging to our relationships, and it grieves our God.
Now let’s talk about parental sensitivity. It rates desperately low these days. It’s part of the fall-out of our rapid pace. Solomon tells us that our children “make themselves known” by their deeds, their actions. He then reminds us that we have ears and eyes that ought to hear and see (Proverbs 20:11-12). But again, it takes time to do that. And again, we’re “too busy.” Let’s think that over. A basic task you accepted when you became a parent was the building of self-esteem and confidence into your offspring. Without coming out and saying it, they look to you to help them know how to believe in themselves, feel worthwhile, valuable, and secure in a threatening world. In dozens of ways they drop hints that ask for help. The sensitive parent spots the hint, deciphers the code, and wisely brings reinforcement.
One of the barriers that cause our children to doubt their worth—even when they are deeply loved is “Parental Insensitivity”.
Our challenge is to counteract the world’s value system, which requires of our little ones either high intelligence or physical attractiveness. It’s impossible to shut out this value system entirely, but we must keep things in proper perspective—especially if our kiddos are neither smart nor beauties! Failure to do so can easily result in struggles with inferiority.
The key to fighting this is sensitivity—tuning into the thoughts and feelings of our kids, listening to the clues they give us, and reacting appropriately. The sensitive heart rubs its fingers along the edges, feeling for the deep cracks . . . the snags . . . taking the time to hear . . to care . . . to give . . . to share.
It’s worth clearing your schedule for, I promise you that.
for #Moving Forward With Yinka
8 thoughts on “Insensitivity by Kehinde Oguntunde.”
Very insightful! Last week Thursday, I got a call from the school nurse. My son had fallen and hit his face on the playground. “He’s fine”, she said. “He didn’t cry but under his left eye is red and he wanted to go back to class so I sent him back.” Few hours later my son arrived home on the bus. As soon as he walked in the house he busted out crying “I fell on the playground and hit my face.” I was close to saying your school nurse said you didn’t cry at school so why are you crying at home? But then I cautioned my tongue because I realized that my son views home as a SAFE place to cry and not feel embarrassed or get teased about it and that was comforting to me. So instead, I gave him a big hug and said you will be just fine. I often struggle with knowing when I need to be firm with my children without hurting their feelings. Parenting his hard!
Nice. Good one Kehinde.
I Like. This is very true.
So true. We all need to take time to be responsive to people around us.
Very true. Thanks for sharing Kehinde.
Excellent piece Kehinde! you are truly gifted and creative with your choice of words. You write from the heart which makes people connect to you! I like.
Our insensitivity sometimes rubs off more deeply with people very close to us as compared with a total stranger. Because of the familiarity and leisure of relationship, we tend to take some important aspect of communication for granted.
A Wife/Husband/Teacher/Preacher/Coach/Mentor/Parent can easily break that line of connection with just a wrong word or the manner it is uttered, thereby – breaking the hold of self esteem.
We should package and pamper our words and make it nourishing rather than depressing. Openness through direct-communication, going down to the children’s level, re-assurance of our feelings/vows and love. A constant reminder with body language when words are heavy to use, a touch that ignites old feelings, a warm hug for that child that sees only weakness and dwells in intimidation. A sinner’s bowed head, awaiting forgiveness, A vision for a preacher to inspire and encourage, A sign on the forehead of a wife, whose ever-forgetful husband needs to see always…He has to be delicate with his choice of words and needs to dive more into her feelings by listening. Proper listening with eyes and soul connecting.
May God help us all.
Thanks for sharing.