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‘When Ties-Bind, How do we keep up with our Sensuality and Sexuality?

weddedLife is beautiful! You are still married, or at least someone has agreed to forsake all others and embarked on an un-foreseen journey to live with you for the rest of their lives, or didn’t that long ceremonial vow say that? Well, You are wearing the wedding band with pride and every time you remember how the proposal went, you smile…there’s a sudden sense of warmth, that naughty smirk comes alive on your face.

Ah! Life is beautiful. (you whisper to yourself) the days of courtship, the long captivating love letters that tells tales of hidden desire, the long walks together, ignoring the missed appointment, bus or train or the change in weather. The endless phone calls and stored-up voice messages played over and over again, your morning juice has never tasted better, until you hear that voice again, flashes of smiles, lingering favorite tunes played together, fond memories of holding hands while ignoring jealous onlookers, sharing one caramel swirl vanilla ice cone and making those big dreams about the future. Ah! Life is beautiful. But suddenly. It’s fast-forwarded… BOOM!! Reality bites and sinks in. Ouch!

Welcome back to the married you! How long has it been? 5, 10, 15, 20 years or more…Is life still beautiful like it used to be? How are you dealing with your sensuality in marriage? How do you embrace your sexuality in marriage? Are you even bold enough to discuss it with your spouse? Believe it or not, it is one of the greatest factor that runs a successful marriage.

A lot of people usually confuse Sexuality with Sensuality. Let’s keep this real! Sexuality is about Sex, and Sensuality is about the Senses. Stimulating the senses may lead to sex at times, but it also leads to a closer relationship with your spouse. Warm touches, even when sex is not the goal, helps your spouse feel loved, wanted and close to you.

For most of us with a diverse culture or upbringing, we are not usually connected with the right approach that we need to help us discover and navigate our sensuality in marriage. For some, discussing it is a taboo or no-go area. But it has to be addressed, for the safety of the marriage.

So, unlike the western culture that teaches young couples in marriage counselling about how to discover and excite each other through vagina monologue and body dissection, the closest some of us ever got to that topic was either during biology class in school or exposure to the terror of internet pornography that’s killing the joy of marriages today. Not realizing that later on in our married life, we could help our spouse discover us (sexually) and contribute it to a successful and happy relationship. Sex is one of the factors but not the most important factor that should be considered. It is important to know the act it contributes and that it has the ability to affect our marriage in a negative or a positive way.

Personally, I think expression of love is a very important part of sex in marriage. It has to be spontaneous, consistent and creative! ‘Not routine. It is sometimes underrated, overlooked or forgotten. Actually telling your spouse WHAT you want, HOW you want to be loved and WHERE you want to be touched is a delicate continuation act of “life is beautiful” and one that should be taken more seriously than it has been and is today.

Every marriage should be based on love. Every act of love should be creative. And this same creative love is what makes the act of sex much more meaningful and emotional for the two people involved. WHAT TO DO? The secret to having a complete sense of sexuality in your marriage is…To Be Continued!

May God help us all!

Yinka

God made men and women sexual beings. He made our nervous systems capable of receiving pleasure from the sex act. Sex in marriage is good and holy and ordained of God.

 

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