They say “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” I-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g! Would that be through food or tummy rub? Hmm. Just thinking-out-loud here!#TimeToRefresh
I am yet to come across the proverb about the way to a woman’s heart, or is the way INTO her more important? flowers? empty promises? trust? #TimeToRenew
But a woman’s heartfelt emotions never lie, even though she hides the bruises under her sleeves, her heart never stops beating, even when crushed by mere words. #TimeToRestore
In my Aunt’s house in Port Harcourt, where I spent my young adult life while in the University…’there is a huge kitchen, women around the kitchen table and topics that turns heads.
Young and vibrant as I was then, I couldn’t wait to fall in love and prove to them that their talk was cheap…or so I thought!
In that kitchen, there were always women who came to visit my Aunt from different walks of life for motherly advice: There were the single and high maintenance, married and moody, separated, divorced, recently rejected, frequently abused, hidden scar carrier from youth, runaway bride and complicated relationships.
Some came glamorously dressed in their flashy cars while some had to trek or take public transportation with a cranky crying baby strapped on their back. They were always inside the kitchen talking or standing by the sink wiping away tears.
And in the hearts of those women, there was always CONFUSION, HELPLESSNESS & FEAR.
Fear that this time around that mastered recipe of life won’t work for their current circumstances.
That the man who promises love and life would never propose! Or think they are not good enough!
That the single young adult girl will walk down the aisle only when she’s ready, and not when the society dictates or calculates her biological clock!
That the man in their life will leave his meal unfinished and their marital bed untouched!
That the man they think they know will soon find pleasure in someone else’s arms or home!
That probably she has served him too much affection or not enough. That he is already too full of life, or hungry for something or someone else, and that it will be their fault.
That the womb that’s been praised so much would begin to alert restless in-laws to raise eyebrows and question the delay of childbirth or the loss of a baby?
That the wide beaded hips that swayed to the beats of the drum he so much-loved to hold would never carry the weight of his off springs?
That her place and destiny to propel would never be supported due to His insecurity or male chauvinism!
That the cold hands of death would ever separate them… so soon!
Matters of the heart of a woman may be hidden or tucked away behind the soft succulent tissues of her bosom; covered with fancy fabric woven with care, but also attacked by the fingers that created the woolen fabric!
I don’t know about you, but for me, I want my heart to know it is okay to heal and beat again… ‘that just like any woman reading this right now to know that: Hidden behind my skin so fair, soft and tender, that part which has been cracked once and still healing is finally ready to show the world… ‘I GOT THIS” by God’s grace!
So, as we begin to countdown to the upcoming TWC’17 on April 27th to April 29th 2017, permit me to indulge you in some surprises in store:
What should YOUR HEART expect at TWC’17 ?
That its time to put the past behind you and…’REFRESH, RENEW & RESTORE
Relax in a luxurious 2 night stay at a beautiful golf resort/conference center
Get served Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner…’just as you like it!
Participate in a One-on-One counselling to discuss those topics we keep locked up
Engage in Me-Healing sessions: Will I be heard? Who gets what I am going through?
Listen to inspiring ministration from speakers and worship team
Indulge in Girls night!! Shhhhhhhh. It’s a surprise! #WeGotGameNight
Comedy night.., ’maybe laughter and good jokes is really all a girl needs to warm up her heart! #GuessWho’sComingTonight #FemiObama
Workshops & Breakout sessions
Support group building and bonding for challenging workplace issues
Morning power-walk and Zumba session
Share your story and inspire others… #ShareYourStoryInPhilly
As you read this, ask yourself… ‘What is a valued centerpiece in my heart? Is my heart an arbitrary harbor of commotion? A solitary confinement for hope…ONLY I bear the burden deep inside as I suffer and smile to portray a perfection that is nonexistent? Does anyone care?
Have you ever considered that perhaps God isn’t longing for you to come to Him with perfect, polished prayers, with fifty-cent words and flowery language? Have you thought about the pleasure God experiences when you simply approach him just as you are, fragments, bruises, warts and all, because He loves you? He delights in your attention. He takes pleasure when you come to Him simply because you are His.
Challenges undertaken for the greater good bind us to people, whereas the pursuit of comfort leads to isolation. And for certain, isolation is terminal. But, how do we recognize our weakness? And work on our strength? If we are not expressive!
There’s no precise formula for it. And like every other area of growth in our life, our mountain won’t look exactly like anyone else’s. But we will surely recognize it, because it lies at the intersection of our greatest strengths and our greatest passions after a storm. We may endeavor to hide, or disguise, the emotional pain that comes in the wake of negative beliefs about ourselves evoked by a particular person or situation. But we can’t always avoid it!
I once knew a close pal in my college days (fondly called him my baby brother) the perfect-picture of a total gentleman. He must have been sprinkled with extra good-mouth-watering spices, prepared specially by the angels when God created him! Always cheerful and smiling. Humble and articulate! He has this certain soothing-aura that draws people close to him, to confide in him. And did I mention he was oh-so-cute with chocolate-skin-deep-dimples! Aha! He wasn’t a smoker or alcohol lover, but knows how to maintain his friendship with the crazy campus-crowd! He was such a good listener to people’s personal issues, but no one ever bothered to worry about him needing a shoulder to rest on. Literally! He was the “always okay guy! And every girl’s dream, the type you take home to your parents and they are like.. ’Aha! Awesome Sauce! Let’s pick a date quick! (Lol!)
But recently, I’d listened to one of his new songs released on you tube and was amazed at his emotional lamentation of how he’d battled with life’s issues, while still putting up an act for the world to see. My heart bled! Why? Probably I felt guilty for the forgotten years of not taking time to say ’Talk to me, let it out! As opposed to “You will be fine, hang in there”
As it is today in history, “Hang in there” is partially the reason why a lot of emotionally challenged people are “Hanging up on life, simply because there are no outlets for them. Think about it today, whose outlet are you?
So, when we ask someone hurt whether anything was wrong, for it is blatantly obvious from their expression or tone of voice that they’re upset, only to have them say: “No, I’m fine.” And it is so obvious that they’re not fine but retreating into themselves to avoid a dialogue they fear might end up making them feel worse. What do we do?
Sometimes we go through some stuff in life that just requires us to sit-back, weather the storm alone, observe the wound or just let it heal! But not for long in becoming unusually quiet or shut down. Such silence speaks volumes, and generally the message is: “I’m not going to risk you hurting me more than you already have, so I’m putting a wall between us.”
Our tendencies to conceal our emotional frailty from others is the fear that exposing it would make us look weak to them and indeed, make us feel weak and powerless to ourselves. So instead of “Crying out loud” (Am hurting! Am lonely! Help me!) we “Smile through our teeth” (say it is well!!) we assume that frankly disclosing our hurt feelings would betray our susceptibility and will define us as exploit, or take advantage of us. It’s as though in “displaying” our hurt we’re selling-off our personal power, relinquishing it to others to use over us in any way they deem fit.
Today, for someone reading this, believe me it is absolutely okay to CRY OUT LOUD! to truly make others more attuned to your vulnerable feelings, we need to manifest them physically and also express them verbally.
Men for example will likely avoid divulging wounded feelings for fear that doing so will compromise their felt sense of masculinity. While Women, on the other hand, are much more likely to worry that disclosing their emotional distress may lead them to be called thin-skinned or too sensitive. Hmmm!
But, we can’t always blame others for their insensitivity toward us. Do they know any better? We need to be more expressive by becoming more aware of and responsive to our feelings, especially unless we’re willing to go out on an emotional limb and reveal our vulnerability, they may never be able to understand and give us the support we crave from them.
Somebody once said that when everything’s coming your way—you’re on the wrong side of the road. Living the adventure God planned for you isn’t just another pursuit; it’s the reason you were born! Encourage someone today!
Yours in HOPE as I introduce Sodi’s “Contradictions of Life” (all grown, but still my baby brother!!) see music video below.
Challenges undertaken for the greater good bind us to people, whereas the pursuit of comfort leads to isolation. And for certain, isolation is terminal. But, how do we recognize our weakness? And work on our strength? If we are not expressive!
Moving Forward With Yinka 