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Approaching the Elephant in our room.

DSC_0919Here I am trying to breastfeed my 2 month-old-baby, MY GOODNESS!! She’s making such a fuss! It seems like she’s having difficulty latching on or even not sure how to work my nipples! I smiled and said to myself, “Oh, it’s my third baby, so I should be a pro at this” (inward consolation thing). Phew!

I’m admiring this beautiful full curly black-haired baby, her tiny cheek so soft and round like one drenched with precious memories of the sweetness of a baker’s delight; A sugar-covered-jelly donut! Her little black eyes twitched as the bright morning reflection of sunray brushes over her face.

Ah! My post-cancer baby! So squishy and velvety, radiating the most enchanting features of love and beauty.

But there was a problem.

I wasn’t getting enough direct eye contact from her.

Is it that those around me didn’t recognize it or had decided to ignore it? Am I the only one seeing the mighty footprints? Or was I getting paranoid for no darn reason! After all, that’s what I do 5 days a week for other families.

My heart skipped a beat! And when it finally found its way back to my body, it broke into a million pieces when she wouldn’t trace my finger across her face! I quickly went shopping in my brain and bargained for all the best nursery rhymes I could find. Fetched all the Early Intervention child developmental milestones books I could read! As a therapist for child-development myself, it was harder for me to accept the intruding delay that could be, but so much easier for me to bring in all the best child developmental services in Delaware county into my room.ele 1

Even though it was my own child needing early childhood intervention, my commitment was stronger than that of Lady Brienne of Tarth in Game of Thrones. #GOT

So, Elephant in the room is an English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth of chaos that is going unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk that no one wants to talk about, discuss or address.ele 3

In the real world where you and I live, it is regarded as our state of mind! It is that nicely swept problem that forcefully resides with us; based on dis-approval, denial and dis-illusion.

But, in the make-believe world we feign, it is an abode for that hush-hush marital insecurity issue, it is that heavy feeling of pain and anguish when one is being used and betrayed, it is that status-quo inadequacy, it is that child still wondering if the term ‘bastard’ is a middle name! It is that sexuality problem never discussed and still un-resolved/that beautiful young lady wondering if true love really still exists after a horrid heart break!

It is that delayed passage of breakthrough or diabolical hunger and quest to make it big and fast in life! It is that infertility no-go area discussion! The nights of free-flowing tears on the loss of a baby or pregnancy, those complicated medical results, un-resolved family drama, carried on from generation to generation! All those frightening controversial issues which is so obvious to everyone who knows about the situation, but which is deliberately ignored because to do otherwise would cause great embarrassment, or trigger arguments or is simply a taboo. What’s the fear? That we could be judged? that the issue ought to be discussed openly, or it can simply be an acknowledgment that the issue is there and not going to go away by itself!

Aren’t some of the things we go through today similar to an Elephant in a room that’s impossible to overlook? like seriously!! ‘Hello…’Am still here!ele 5

Issues that involve social taboo, discussion of race, religion, gender equality or even suicide. Should the people who might have spoken up decide that it is probably best avoided?

I don’t think so. How else would the elephant make an exit? Or am I wrong?

Could it be because our infirmity has now become our identity or because our crisis now defines who we are and forms the familiar guidelines of our life?

With the entrance of an elephant in their room, some people use their weaknesses to get the attention they crave or to keep from assuming any responsibility in their own lives, but not with a huge animal like an elephant starring you in the face day in day out!

What about our own situation that’s so glaring, yet we cover it up with nicely packaged-fragrance, expensive line of make-up with ambiguous price tags to suck in the scars or marks? Or that sensual erotic 6-pack image that attracts only what the eyes can see as the soul bleeds and begs to run far away from its misery!

Isn’t that a cover up for obvious problem or difficult situation that people do not want to talk about?ele 4

Our helplessness can be our most powerful offering – Only if we are willing to be honest and transparent. Admitting the obvious. Sometimes it is a lot easier to just stay in the room and wait than to struggle toward the light without acceptance.

Can you see yourself in this room, with an invisible elephant? Have you been trapped or paralyzed by the pain of loss or rejection or the weight of an intruder in your personal space? Are you taking care of a child with special needs and feeling overwhelmed? Have friends betrayed you and left you lying by a pool of crushed hopes and dreams?

God sees your helplessness. He knows your heart and hears your desperate cry. Stand up today to that intruder in your room, and let God direct your path.

Yours in HOPE as I share ‘Am I Wrong’ by Nico & Vinz.

Yinka.

 

 

 

 

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Embracing our Childlike Passion… ‘Show me how you do it!

girl dancingIt’s that time of the year again. Spring-approaching-Summer. Spring is the season of new beginnings. This is the time when fresh buds bloom and animals awaken and the earth seems to come to life again. Gardeners and farmers plant their seeds, temperatures slowly rise and finally, we get the chance to be youthful again! We get to walk barefoot on the beach! We chase after bubbles and ride bicycles till the sun sets on our sweaty backs.

So, have you ever passed by a group of people, they are laughing so hard at a particular joke that you just wished life could have been a little easy on you? Maybe you wished you were part of that witty group. You pass by a couple seriously in love with each other, who really don’t care who is watching or eavesdropping on them and all you can hear is the sweet whispers of their heartbeats pounding together, while literally you’re the one dealing with a mocked-heart attack. Phew!

Can you remember the last time someone actually sent you chuckling or laughing or giggling so hard that even the adult-ness in you couldn’t avoid the teardrop of excitement. Or when was the last time you observed a bunch of teenage girls admiring themselves in their pocket-size mirror, smiling and happy at what they see, while their fully wired-up dentition exhibits pure innocence! Or, a teenage boy who just discovered the sprout of a single strand of hair on his chin and a dot of pimple on his forehead; he is getting all worked up thinking of his juvenescence.

Aha! What about the graceful harmony, priceless joy and beauty of a happy-go-lucky set of freelance singers? You know the ones that are just naturally happy to be singing or dancing just for the fun of it! (‘Another reason why I just love NYC!) No patronizing, No expectation! No reservation! Just entertaining for the fun of being happy! That’s it!

Our childlike passion is that sense of emotion or innocence that radiates deep from inside of us.  It comes from desire, knowledge and deep joy. It is a display of how naïve we could get with the serious-ness of life! No matter how much age catches up on us. Our childlike passion does not have any preconceived notions as they are not yet tainted by experience. The buoyancy or beauty is still present! There’s elation and vibrancy that will always bring out the “kid” in us. No matter what life throws at us, Laughter is still contagious! Amusement is still an effective remedy to cure boredom!

Like in the movie, Patch Adams knows the inner side of healing. A good reminder that some of the most important factors in healing are not high-tech marvels but ordinary factors such as love, compassion, friendship, and hope. And like I usually tell my children, there’s a deep sense of living well when you are truly in love with your passion for life.

So, if you are reading this, ask yourself today. What’s my passion for life? What’s that childlike passion in me? Does it still exist? What’s replaced it? When fear and doubt grows like orange mold that’s infected with life-robbing spores, can my joy be transferred through laughter? I believe that God has given every one of us a great gift to be passionate about something! And it started from childhood. As adults, we might have ignored it in the hustle and bluster of 21st century maneuvering.

Our childlike passion forces and then allows us to go against the very fiber of our personality, regardless of how and where we are in life today. That childlike passion still lurks somewhere within us, waiting to be released, it should not stop us from living life to the fullest. I am hoping someone will be encouraged to embrace their childlike passion and be full of life again. Well, just like the little girl in the picture, that’s how I still do it!

Yours in HOPE as I share Montell Jordan (This is how we do it).

Yinka.

 

 

 

 

 

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