My 20-Year-Wedding-Anniversary Reflection.

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence

20 5

As crawling gives way to toddling and then striding, so does every relationship that would stand the test of time! It is like a child moving more steadily through the physical world, un-perturbed by the unknown rough pathway ahead, but determined to thrive.

Our relationship with others should always crave for improvements and ability to reject being the ultimate mentalist! Or self-appointed mind-readers we think we are. Only if we make room for acceptance.

How often have we erringly misjudged the mental states of others, such as their background upbringing, sexual orientation, feelings, thoughts, intentions, baggages and deceptions because we feel there just isn’t enough vacancy in our hearts, anymore?

Should we allow our minds to navigate deeper into the cross-currents of the broader social world while we struggle with our differences? Is there really a perfect mate? And for people who have given up on searching or loving, should there exist a fundamental difficulty in trusting again? ‘Fear of series of strong headwinds, uncertain tacks, and treacherous eddies?

 

So, here I am today, August 14th 2017, exactly 20 years ago my ever so-loving-Father walked me down the hallway of The Marriage registry at City Hall Lagos, into the arms of the one true love I would ever encounter! The same bespectacled-guy I met 3.5 years earlier who couldn’t keep his eyes off my one-nation orange halter-neck romper and wouldn’t get off the wall of the newly opened Club Towers night club to dance, who’d pledged the same night jokingly ‘He would marry me someday’ on the dance floor at The Whyte’s party on Glover road and then, Oh-my-word! ‘eventually showed up at my home church, Holy Cross Cathedral by making himself comfortable in my family pew, singing Agnus Dei, like he took Latin classes in college, showing off in his brand new well ironed patterned shirt, brown suede penny loafers while driving the smallest blue car ever driven in Lagos! … #Daewoo Tico

#WE DO…then in 1997, and 20 years later…#WE STILL DO

20 3Phew! It wasn’t easy…trust me, but was worth the fight to keep on keeping on!

From the misconception of what the romantic novels we read say about marriages, to the soap operas and knowledge based books or audio we tune to! From the no-experience marriage counselors or confused life coaches sprawled all over, to the perception social media breeds about what marriage should be…that’s just 1% of the back-slap advice compared to what your destiny has to offer you…’there is no manual or directory to the quick fix we all want to know.

After decades of seeking internal peace…I’d realize Oh my goodness! I don’t know it all, He doesn’t know it all either, we are actually both still learning, and our ultimate wisdom should come from God. Alone. Period.

Isn’t it like someone giving you a relationship advice and it just doesn’t work? Their wisdom, your wisdom and my own wisdom are limited. It’s subjective and faulty. And while the implementation of earthly wisdom can and often does bring some benefit, it will not always lead us to the safety and ease we long for deep inside. Some marriages must surely pass through the burning funnel for a couple to become certified companions, while others would fall along the way if their hopes of survival is based on other people’s manual and perceptions.

20 6Let’s face it. Relationships can be cruel, Life can be scary and marriages that have refused to hit the rock after series of extended-third-party-family-or-friends-interrupters-involvement-busy-bodies melodramatic episodes have finally shut-the-front-door after them…’what’s next?

If you are reading this and wondering, How-in-the-world-did-THEY-do-it? I know right? I usually ask myself too (lol). But, God’s wisdom is perfect. It leads my heart, mind, and soul to safety and rest in a world that is filled with scary realities and uncertainties. You just have to name the challenges… We have both walked through it together…24 years and counting.

I am hoping someone reading this, at any point of their relationship would also tune in to God’s wisdom – when we hear it, yield to it, apply it and obey it – we will live in peace. Not the world’s peace – God’s peace. We will be at ease with all imperfections. Not with perfect lives, but with lives that are led and not controlled by fear and anxiousness of what tomorrow would bring in their marriages, relationships, courtship or friendship. We can and will experience peace in spite of the chaos in our relationships. Be encouraged!

Yours in HOPE as I share our wedding dance/favorite song “FOR YOU” by Kenny Lattimore.

Yinka.

 

39 thoughts on “My 20-Year-Wedding-Anniversary Reflection.”

  1. Oh my sweet sister I’m so grateful to God for you and wonderful sweet heart. How ever, I really really missed the fun but I’m proud of you. It’s my prayer that you and your hubby as well as ur wonderful children will continue to celebrate daily as long as Jesus tarry to come. Love you!!!

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  2. Miss G!!!!!
    Mr Folarin, aha God has trully blessed your heart with Yinka! So happy and more so excited that you guys pulled iit through , good or bad, u are still standing. You inspire me.

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  3. 20 years ko!
    Aiesecer Yarinya Gansy! You have done it again!
    Who knew you, the hottest jambite in your college days would be the trendsetter!
    So proud of you, we throw way salute from fellow Aiesecers!!

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  4. Sweet Sis, you couldn’t have said it any better. May your testimony over the years remain true for the years to come. May your joy and wine never end. Congratulations to both of you and the children for having a godly pattern to follow.

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  6. Congratulations to you both on this incredible milestone very few couples reach!
    Aseyi se pupo ni oruko Jesu!
    Such a beautiful write up too, blessings to you and your lovely family!

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  7. 20years don waka,una still dey carry go nobody waka,no body go solo,na baba God grace they carry una go…una go still do 40 years together… Then 100 …live well and and last longer than Hausa perfume and olumo rock…bon anniversary.

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  11. Yinkuse! Happy Wedding Anniversary! We thank God for His protection over both of you over all these years. May He continue to affirm the love that has bonded you together and continue to bless you with much happiness. E ku Oriire o!…👍🏾👍🏾

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  12. Through it all…
    Yinka, your boldness, your determination and passion to excel has taken you through these 20 years..
    Your moments of doubts, confusion…tears shed during seasons of darkness…
    Your miscarriages, your illness, your survival stories, your passion for those special needs children you call yours..
    Your tolerance and of cos, your craziness, non can beat that! Lol.
    Folarin found a priceless gem, Anthonia…the meaning of your name..and you nailed it!
    No one has ever crossed your path without carrying beautiful memories of you with them..
    I am so blessed and thankful to be called, your friend, your best friend!
    Always…

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  13. 20 years already!!!
    Remember I made the announcement of your wedding 20 years ago on DBN broadcast a day before and was so terrified to know that it was meant to be a’private wedding’ at Dolphin estate garden…’ahhh
    But happy for you guys! U kept it together and private even since then, God bless you abundantly!
    Love you for real from Osapa London, Lagos! 😉😉😆

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  14. Wow! See how times fly…Yinka and Folarin congratulations! I can still clearly remember Yinka calling me to invite me, just 3 days before the event in Lagos!! Had to fly all the way from PH to attend it!
    Anything for you! You’ve been a huge inspiration in my life😀

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  15. This is so true, everything we go through in our relationships is based on how we apply wisdom. Thanks for sharing Antonia, i wish you could take your platform to social media, people out there need to ser what real life marriage encounter is and focus too much on Instagram marriage and false lifestyles
    Abeena

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  17. Wonderful writing! May God continue to bless your union. Amen!!! It is such an inspiration. We made it 10 years this August and you couldn’t have described the uncertainties in the journey more accurately

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  21. My dear friend and sister, Congratulations to you.
    Beautiful write up. I bless the day our path cross. God will honour you and your family. You will never bow your head in shame. You will both live to see your children’s children In Jesus Mighty Name Amen

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  22. Beautiful write up, amazing story of growth and maturity. May God continue to keep you.

    Sorry! I will miss this great event but my prayers will always be with you.
    Leye

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  23. So beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. Your love will keep waxing stronger.
    Happy wedding anniversary my dear beautiful friend. Congratulations. I sooo love you guys

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  29. What a beautiful memory! An exceptional writing. Yinka, congratulations my dear. Folarin, you are indeed a lucky guy!! Wish my wife would write me an article for our 20th wedding anniversary too, lol.
    Love u both!

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  30. My dear Yinka and Folarin, Congratulations! I thank God for you, for your marriage, children and the journey of the past 20years. This date is always a good one because it’s my son’s birthday too. The same age as your marriage. So I can’t stop thanking God for my double portion on this day. May God continue to bless you all in Jesus mighty name. Amen.

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