‘When Ties-Bind, How do we keep up with our Sensuality and Sexuality?

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence

weddedLife is beautiful! You are still married, or at least someone has agreed to forsake all others and embarked on an un-foreseen journey to live with you for the rest of their lives, or didn’t that long ceremonial vow say that? Well, You are wearing the wedding band with pride and every time you remember how the proposal went, you smile…there’s a sudden sense of warmth, that naughty smirk comes alive on your face.

Ah! Life is beautiful. (you whisper to yourself) the days of courtship, the long captivating love letters that tells tales of hidden desire, the long walks together, ignoring the missed appointment, bus or train or the change in weather. The endless phone calls and stored-up voice messages played over and over again, your morning juice has never tasted better, until you hear that voice again, flashes of smiles, lingering favorite tunes played together, fond memories of holding hands while ignoring jealous onlookers, sharing one caramel swirl vanilla ice cone and making those big dreams about the future. Ah! Life is beautiful. But suddenly. It’s fast-forwarded… BOOM!! Reality bites and sinks in. Ouch!

Welcome back to the married you! How long has it been? 5, 10, 15, 20 years or more…Is life still beautiful like it used to be? How are you dealing with your sensuality in marriage? How do you embrace your sexuality in marriage? Are you even bold enough to discuss it with your spouse? Believe it or not, it is one of the greatest factor that runs a successful marriage.

A lot of people usually confuse Sexuality with Sensuality. Let’s keep this real! Sexuality is about Sex, and Sensuality is about the Senses. Stimulating the senses may lead to sex at times, but it also leads to a closer relationship with your spouse. Warm touches, even when sex is not the goal, helps your spouse feel loved, wanted and close to you.

For most of us with a diverse culture or upbringing, we are not usually connected with the right approach that we need to help us discover and navigate our sensuality in marriage. For some, discussing it is a taboo or no-go area. But it has to be addressed, for the safety of the marriage.

So, unlike the western culture that teaches young couples in marriage counselling about how to discover and excite each other through vagina monologue and body dissection, the closest some of us ever got to that topic was either during biology class in school or exposure to the terror of internet pornography that’s killing the joy of marriages today. Not realizing that later on in our married life, we could help our spouse discover us (sexually) and contribute it to a successful and happy relationship. Sex is one of the factors but not the most important factor that should be considered. It is important to know the act it contributes and that it has the ability to affect our marriage in a negative or a positive way.

Personally, I think expression of love is a very important part of sex in marriage. It has to be spontaneous, consistent and creative! ‘Not routine. It is sometimes underrated, overlooked or forgotten. Actually telling your spouse WHAT you want, HOW you want to be loved and WHERE you want to be touched is a delicate continuation act of “life is beautiful” and one that should be taken more seriously than it has been and is today.

Every marriage should be based on love. Every act of love should be creative. And this same creative love is what makes the act of sex much more meaningful and emotional for the two people involved. WHAT TO DO? The secret to having a complete sense of sexuality in your marriage is…To Be Continued!

May God help us all!

Yinka

God made men and women sexual beings. He made our nervous systems capable of receiving pleasure from the sex act. Sex in marriage is good and holy and ordained of God.

26 thoughts on “‘When Ties-Bind, How do we keep up with our Sensuality and Sexuality?”

  6. Hello Yinka, long time! I’m so excited about your blog. Truly appreciate the sincerity in it. This is genuine. Even though a lot of us struggle with this issue due to in exposure, but its reality.
    Hopefully you can feature in EKO Expo journal with relevant topics like this.
    OD. UK.

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  10. Miss gansy, This is a Very interesting topic. Who else can discuss this if not you or Ada. You’re doing a great job with your topic selection, and am sure you’re inspiring people. Keep it up.

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  14. Thanks for sharing this
    Anyone ever wondered why we have married men glued to the Internet, drooling over half naked or naked women.
    Because they have wives who looks like their grandma, no sex appeal or motivation to even be aroused all because the two are not aware of their needs for each other.
    Every mmarried couples need to step up in their sensuality to keep their marriage intact.
    I love this blog article because you’re bold in discussing what most people avoid.
    Thanks for sharing. Can’t wait for next part on what to do.
    Anonymous.

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  15. Sincerely, your posts have become a mirror of wonder that easily reflects the ultimate imagination of my discrete thoughts; how amazing! Such entrance is a rare connection and a great sense of telepathic inspiration. I should remark this as nothing short of perfect, except that I always conclude my thoughts with imaginations that have profound spiritual origin. For example, marriage, for me, takes root in an understanding that connects souls from the beginning, even before we became incarnate in the womb of flesh. Therefore, it should be very difficult, if not almost impossible, to experience a perfect marriage without engaging the sense of this original background. Do we truly have a sound approach to this esoteric insight? Moreover, do we have the seriousness of will and readiness to sacrifice whatever the entrance of this unexpected and unimaginable truth would demand from us even if we discover it? Let us always remember that the affairs of every engagement of our natural life has an objective essence and root in our immortal and unseen foundation.

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