He LOVES me! He loves me NOT! He LOVES me! He loves me NOT! ‘come on Ladies…’about time to attack this mask called “Domestic Abuse”

/ Yinka (Anthonia) Gansallo-Lawrence

abuseThe sound of the siren outside my bathroom window, the pounding beat of my chest frustrating the little confidence and I hope I have left, the pain and fear of letting out my sobs, the rush of the cold water from the shower now falling hard against my bare back, sharp pains shooting through my battered skin, that same tender olive skin he’d vowed was all he needed to see on a cloudy day! Am confused! Should I cry out for help?

Or should I continue under the pangs of desperate falling cold water? I am drenched in my own blood! Probably woke up again after passing out from his habitual aggressive beating. But my feelings always fail me. I let my emotions get the best of me. “Oh. He loves me, I know he does! “Honey, I need help to manage my anger issues, ‘Baby, please don’t leave me! I will never be the same without you! “Sweetheart, it’s the devil… and with that, I am a lover’s-fool again, for the 100th time of my life.

But right now I think He’s gone too far, the knife, the hot water, the hot iron, the baby’s bassinet! Oh no! The baby! W-h-e-r-e I-s m-y b-a-b-y? And my neighbor’s questioning looks, always nosy anyway, out of fear they had called 911 this time…everything is happening so fast! I think am loosing it? No, I have actually lost my mind! Is this love? What to do…

So, all in the name of love, we accept the unacceptable, we explain away the pain, we justify and rationalize every blow- physical and otherwise, at times we blame the victim.

All in the name of keeping up appearances, we remain silent to the glaring indications, we remain blind to the blatant battle signs, we remain recklessly optimistic that somewhere, somehow, the abuse will stop all in the name of love. Maybe one day, the abuser will stop and return to the doting loving person you once knew…

But enough is enough! Let us break the cycle of silence! Let us shed light to this dark aspect of so called love! One time is too many for a loved one to raise a hand, or even worse a weapon to the one whom they profess to love. One time is enough for you to know that you are worth more than that; you are a gem and a treasure to those who genuinely care for you.

You are created as a peculiar being, made to fulfill a given purpose. Do not let your light be snuffed out early all in the name of love.  Speak up against love that leaves you black and blue; speak up against love that leaves you feeling worthless.

Let’s break the cycle of ABUSE- ‘Bad Unnecessary Senseless Experience. Reach out and Get help today!

Written by Toyin Erinle for #Moving Forward With Yinka

Introduction by Yinka.

                   Violence help hotlines

Call the hotlines below for help if you have been hurt by someone you know or have been attacked by a stranger. You will not have to pay for the call, and you can ask to have your information kept confidential. Even though these calls are free, they may appear on your phone bill. If you think an abuser may check your phone bill, try to call from a friend’s phone or a public phone.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

  • Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TDD).
  • Staff are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
  • More than 170 languages are available.
  • You will hear a recording and may have to wait for a short time.
  • Hotline staff offer safety planning and crisis help. They can connect you to shelters and services in your area.
  • Staff can send out written information on topics such as domestic violence, sexual assault, and the legal system.

http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/how-to-help-a-friend-who-is-being-abused.html

24 thoughts on “He LOVES me! He loves me NOT! He LOVES me! He loves me NOT! ‘come on Ladies…’about time to attack this mask called “Domestic Abuse””

  1. Beautiful.

    Women should appreciate themselves for the beautiful creation God made them to be.

    Do not let anyone degrade you because of their inadequacies and destroy your self-confidence.

    In helping yourself by speaking out you are, believe it or not helping them too.

    Stand before your mirror and assure yourself

    I am who God says  I am.
    I am a person of value and not of shame
    I shut my ears to the noise of abuse and step out into the glorious light and pedestal The Lord has set for me.
    I was created for good not for pain.
    ~* Ayo Oke *~~

    Dwell in His presence always
    For in there is fullness of joy.
    Psalm 16:11

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  2. Very good one.
    Do you also give inspirational seminars or talk on your blog? You are definitely gifted. My congregation could benefit from this.
    The topic on abuse and the one on talking about it will go a long way here. Thanks.

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  5. I would like to first congratulate the ladies on this blog, especially the writer. I have been following your blog, its so genuine with pure and genuine real life situations, especially when you discuss topics people shy away from.
    For the lopez lady and Debo, I salute your courage and boldness. You are over comers and your stories wil break loose any bonding.
    Yinka, thanks for sharing, your blog stands out and am always looking forward to the next topic. Please keep writing.
    JGF
    Faith Ministry.

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  6. I grew up in an abusive home.
    The only thing I learned from leaving my house for a shelter was always in a state of despair when I watch violent movies.
    For me, it’s like am watching my story unfold.
    Thanks for sharing. It takes courage to be confident.

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  7. Good job Yinka and Toyin for this wonderful piece, my prayer is that every reader who is going through this or has experienced some kind of abuse will raise their hands not to strike back but to object to being a victim and say enough, enough already and cry out for help. Real men are great lovers, real men who love their God loves their wives, real men don’t hit!

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  9. I am so proud of the brave women coming out to share their abuse stories. It’s one thing to the victim and another to be the witness. I was both. Please please please let’s destroy the mask, as yinka and toyin mentioned in this heart piercing article, let’s raise our hands in support and say no more to domestic violence.

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  10. Ladies, thanks for sharing your experiences. I witnessed my mother’s abuse all through childhood, had no one to talk to about it, but thank God am grown up now and able to help others going through it.

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  11. Mind searching moment for even those of us called ‘believers’ to give help to members who are going through this and not speaking up. The mocked allowances we carry about using Christianity to cover up is so unbelievable. Thanks for sharing, this will surely turn heads.

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  12. I am a product of an abusive parent. That story up there ms yinka, is my mother, then carried over to me. I am currently in therapy after running away with my baby to family for help. Women need to get help when they need it. I thank you for sharing.

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  14. This is very deep Yinka, thanks for sharing and I particularly feel connected to ms. Debo because I experienced the same while growing up in London. All I needed to remember was how grateful I was to have been sent to live with my grandma in Nigeria.
    My mother stayed with her abusive husband until the day she passed out and lost a baby.
    Today, decades after, I have 5 girls and pray they never go through all the abuse I witnessed. If only women had a voice then.

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  15. My mother left my father when I was three years old. He physically abused her from their wedding night until the day she walked out. Even though I was only three years old when she left him, I have very vivid memories of that day. Him yelling, her screaming from the agony of his punches, the house help crying and banging on door, begging my father to unlock the door to the bedroom.

    Thank God for our neighbors, upon hearing the commotion coming from our apartment, they came in and broke down the bedroom door. I saw my mother, crying all bruised as she stumbled out of the room. One of the neighbors held her up and urshered her to the living room couch. With me in one hand and my brother, who was just about 2 months old, on the house help’s back, my mother walked out that very night.

    The thing is my father did love my mother but he was a broken man. He needed to be fixed, he needed help. If she had not left him, he would have killed her. His rage was uncontrollable, when it started it could not be stopped until he got tried of beating her. Staying in an abusive relationship would not only destroy the relationship but it will also destroy the product if that relationship.

    If my mother had stayed, I would be a different person, I would feel it’s acceptable to condone abuse, my brother would grow up thinking its acceptable to hit women. I look at my mother as a strong woman for leaving.

    If the man refuses to get help, then nothing can be done, it would not get better, the beatings would get worse and more dangerous.

    So as a product of an abusive marriage I believe getting out is the best option.

    Debo.

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    • Thanks for sharing Debo, I really appreciate this. This is very personal yet inspiring. It is so un-imaginable the amount of comments I have coming in with the same story line – which I am still in the process of moderating. But, this has definitely ignited a new passion to be heard.

      I applaud your boldness in talking about it which is a sign of closure and the tone in your message which is a gift for the voiceless ones among us – who are still living in pain, fear and doubt.

      ‘Much love.
      Yinka.

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