• The refrigerator is still covered with magnetic letters and numbers. A Play-doh set rests atop a wooden kitchen cabinet, as if tiny fingers will play with it soon. Living room shelves are stacked neatly with Barbie dolls, and toy cars. Fresh scent of newly washed baby clothes folded neatly, still no sign of a baby…
• Radiation and chemotherapy treatments for cancer have taken away his hair and he’s dropped 51 pounds, but the former Buffalo Bills quarterback hasn’t lost his sense of humor…
• Eleven months have passed since a couple’s 5-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son were carried to their deaths…

We have all in one way or the other encountered: Loss, Sickness, Grief, Death, Terminal illness, Addiction and Survival. Or we know someone close to us who have or who are still battling with one. We are either not sure as in how to help them deal with it or even approach the topic. Sometimes, we act like, we know there’s a problem, we feel it, but we cannot connect the dots as in how to handle it without being too overbearing or insensitive.

Believe me! It is Absolutely Okay To Talk About It – well, to the ones close to you and the ones willing to hear you out. People usually need time to sort out feelings before they can be expressed and shared in the way they want. During this time, friends and family members may be the targets of their loved one’s strong, overwhelming feelings that need to be vented. I know I did.

I remembered when I lost a baby at 6 months; my bosom buddy flew me down to Texas to spend some time away with her, far away from home. It was a week of total outburst and companionship. She encouraged me to wail, shout, scream, cry and then later talk about the loss late into the night, same thing when I had my cancer diagnosis years ago. Through therapy I learned that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. I began to accept my weaknesses and appreciate my strengths. Which is helping others going through whatever hurts by talking about it and giving hope to carry on with life.

The breaking down into pieces of a life is a painful thing to watch and even more painful to endure. Even more devastating is that as your life begins to unravel, day by day, piece by piece, there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. The lives we are given by God are meant to grow, blossom and flourish. Not crumble.

Sometimes to rebuild, our foundation has to be re-laid. We should never think it is because God is punishing us for what we have or have not done. Lives fall apart because they need to, because they weren’t built the right way in the first place.

Today, I am encouraging someone to come to this realization of not always trying to fix the cracks in their foundation alone. To stop surveying the broken pieces of their mind, heart, and life, to recognize that a broken life is a test of faith of the highest order and anyone who conceals grief finds no remedy for it. That sometimes, when we are so overwhelmed with emotion of pain and hurt, God sees us, and is working it out for our good. In His way, His time, His approach. So, connect with a survivor, learn and grow with their victory story. I know I am still learning from one!

May God Help Us All!

Yinka.

http://www.yinkalawrence.com